


Why Me?

by SympatheticNarwhal_0424



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Brotherly Love, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, High School, M/M, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SympatheticNarwhal_0424/pseuds/SympatheticNarwhal_0424
Summary: A few days after the Hannah Baker trial and after the exposure of the tapes, all who were involved were shaken to the core. As they all try to forget and move on, one situation after the other leads to "the gang" joining back together to end the semester, and in particular, Clay Jensen and Justin Foley, become closer than they ever have been. Maybe a bit too close...Friends? Brothers? Or something more inexplicable than they both could ever imagine?In this spin-off of 13 Reasons Why, "Why Me?" focuses on the relationship between Clay and Justin, who under circumstances come together and just maybe more than they intended...BL!!! Enjoy the read!P.S If you haven't figured it out already this is a love story between Clay and Justin ;)
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Hannah Baker & Clay Jensen, Jessica Davis & Alex Standall, Jessica Davis & Justin Foley, Justin Foley/Clay Jensen
Comments: 27
Kudos: 41





	1. What Is It?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, how's it going! This is my first attempt at writing fanfic, and I'm super excited about it! As you can probably already tell, this is the story of Justin and Clay. A few pointers before you start:
> 
> 1\. This story takes place a few after the trial for Hannah Baker  
> 2\. This is a spin-off, so some things might not match the actual story (Like Justin dying) but I will try and retain the essence of the story and make it enjoyable  
> 3\. This isn't a slow-burn but it but I wanna make it in-depth, so we'll start slow and ramp things up as my story progresses  
> 4\. I'll try and update once a week, depending on my schedule, so be on the lookout!  
> 5\. Enjoy it and leave some feedback so I can make it better! Thank you reader!!!

Chapter 1

" **Get OUT!!!** " With a slam on the door, Justin is left on the pavement, staring down at his shoes and wondering why things would be any different. After the trial for Hannah Baker and getting called in to testify, things have been rough for Justin. Seth, not wanting anything to do with the higher authority, decided to kick Justin out, not caring what might happen to him. Again. Neither did his mother try to protect him. Again. With a sigh, Justin decided to take his football bag with him and go find shelter. He pulls out his phone, thinking to himself where he can go tonight, knowing well that he could always go to Bryce's. _Never_ , he thought to himself, with the thoughts of him raping Hannah and Jessica flooding his mind. He scrolls through his contacts, figuring who to ask, and one by one asks for help from the only ones he knew.

 **Justin** : Yo Zach, can I crash at your place? 

**Zach** : Why? What happened? 

**Justin** : Just feel like spending some time with my best friend

(Justin knowing that that wasn't the reason at all for why he was wanting to stay at a friend's)

 **Zach** : Awwww, how considerate!

 **Justin** : Shut the fuck up Zach, will you let me crash at yours or not?

 **Zach** : Ok ok, Jesus Justin. Come through the window, you know how my mother gets when she sees you.

Justin felt a flood of relief, knowing that he would have a roof over his head for tonight. Other day's he wasn't as fortunate. _Why me? Why do I always have to deal with this shit?_ As Justin thought, he headed down towards Zach's house, wondering the whole way down, _Why me?_

***************

That night, Justin slept restlessly, having his usual nightmares. They usually rotated from seeing Bryce raping Jessica, to seeing his mother OD in her own house, and to have the shit beaten out of him by Seth. With a gasp, he wakes up, hearing the alarm at full blast, remembering that school was a thing. It was 7 AM in the morning, so he decides to sleep in for a few more minutes. Zach didn't have another bed, so he gave Justin a sleeping bag and let him sleep on the floor. Justin remembers how Zach tried to stir up a conversation about what really happened, but Justin didn't want to talk about it and decided to call it a day, although it was only 9 at night. As he turned himself to the other side, ignoring the alarm, Zach wakes up and sees that Justin makes no effort to get up, so he decides to take the matter into his own hands. With one swift movement, he grabs the water bottle that was on his desk, gets up, takes off the cap, and starts spilling a bit onto Justin's face. "Wake up sleeping beauty!" He says with a grin on his face. "Fuck off Zach, just five-" at that moment Zach pours even more water onto Justin "Fuck! Zach stop that!" "I will. But you have to get up, it's a school day dude," Zach says, now this time removing the pillow on which Justin's head was laying on. "Alright Alright! Jesus Zach, I'm getting up, see?" As Justin unzips the sleeping bag and gets up, he starts drying his face off with his shirt, now fully awake because of the cold water that was poured onto him. "Alright well I'll get you some clothes, the shower is the room to the left of mine, and there are fresh towels in the cabinet underneath the sink." "Thanks, Zach," Justin says as he takes off his wet shirt heading to the shower. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder and turns back to see Zach, holding onto him with a face filled with concern. "Justy, you know you can tell me anything right? I'll always be there to help you. About yes-" Zach is interrupted by Justin "Yes, I know, thanks. And about yesterday, I was just bored at home and decided to come over." _Lies._ "You sure everything is fine with you and your parents?" Zach knowing some of the struggles that Justin had gone through. Like his drug-addicted mother and her unconcern for him. "Yeah, everything is fine," _Another lie._ Justin can feel his eyes swelling, knowing full well he can never return home, how he isn't wanted by his own parents, how he gets mistreated by "Meth Seth" as Justin liked to call him, and all the remorse he had for the things he did. Or never did. Jessica in mind. As he pulls off of Zach's grip, he heads for the shower and gets ready for another miserable day at school...

***************

"Tony, we're gonna be late again! Hurry the fuck up!" Clay states as he checks his phone and sees they might be late to homeroom. "Not my fault I wasn't the one who slept in," Tony said, driving a bit faster than the speed limit allows. For Clay, things have been rough ever since the trials. That whole week he never went to school or tried talking to anyone. He just stayed in his room, thinking. He hated himself for what he did to Hannah (Although he didn't do much) and also hated the rest who were on the tapes. Now that the trial was over, the school not being guilty of the murder, his parents decided that it was time to get him back to classes. Against his entire will, he was forced back into the school that he believed caused the suicide of the person he loved most. That night he slept next to nothing, and that morning he heard the alarm go off but had no will to get up. Tony had to climb into his room from the window and literally drag him out of his bed in order to get him ready for class. As Tony parks his red and very extravagant car onto the side of the school, they see everything and everyone completely normal. It seemed as if nothing happened, as if Hannah Baker wasn't a person and as if her tapes, her plea for help, were never a thing. _Fuck this school_ Clay thought as he slams the door when he gets out of the car and head for the entrance. As soon as he walks in, he sees everyone staring. Staring at him. He knew that divulging those tapes would bring drama and stares at him, but at everyone who was part of the tapes. As he walks, he feels himself being pierced by the looks of everyone, some even speaking loud enough for him to hear. They were talking about him. When he reaches his locker, he puts in his combination and picks out his books from within. From behind him, he can hear a group getting closer to him. He closed his eyes and prayed that that group was not who he thought they were. As they kept getting closer, he heard the voice of one of the members, and realized, God had forsaken him.

"Yo Jensen! How's it feel to be back, you miss me?" With that Clay feels a hand rest on his shoulder. Turning back, he could already tell who was near him. Bryce Walker.

"Leave me alone Bryce," Clay says as he tries to keep his anger from rampaging, holding himself together, but just barely.

"What? You miss Hannah? No more 'I'm gonna kill you!' shit? Ohhh, Jensen, I expected much more from a bitch like you." With that, Clay looks up at Bryce to see him smiling. Devilishly. He was about to say something when he notices the others that were beside Bryce. Monty. Zach. Justin. Scott. And the other players from the football team. _Shit_. He tries to collect himself but can't seem to.

"Hannah felt so good as I fucked her up that night. She wanted it, Jensen, she practically _begged_ me for it. She-" At that Zach intercepts Bryce, pushing him away a bit from Clay.

"That's enough Bryce, you shouldn't say that, especially to Clay." For once Clay sees Zach standing up for him, but that doesn't stop his anger from radiating off of him, fist clenched and ready to beat the hell out of Bryce

"You really standing up for this faggot?" Monty blurts out, adding more fire to the flame

"Shut the fuck up Monty," Clay says, without thinking twice. He sees Monty's expression change into a rage as Clay says that. Seeing that Monty had enough of this, he goes up to clay and slams him into the locker. Clay feels the life being sucked out of him, gasping for air as he tried to push Monty away, failing to.

"Monty get away from him!" Justin says as he breaks the grasp that Monty had on Clay and shoves him far away from him. Justin turns back and Clay can see in his face regret and remorse. He sees in his eyes two words that stand out like no others. _I'm sorry._

The school bell rings, everyone starts heading to class.

"Well, fuck me Jensen, looks like you do have balls after all. Alright, guys, we'll get going-" pointing at everyone in his group, purposely skipping Zach and Justin "but this isn't over Jensen and next time you won't have anyone to help you," he says, showing to Clay that he really was the devil he thought he was. As they back off and head their own way, so does Zach, leaving Clay and Justin the only ones left in the hall.

"Hey, Clay I'm so-" Clay starts saying as Clay interrupts him

"No, Justin. You're not. You're just like the rest of them. What you did to Hannah. To Jessica. It's _disgusting,_ " Clay emphasizing that last word.

"Clay please," Justin says as he reaches over to grab Clay's arm before he left. He does so successfully, holding his arm tight, not wanting to let go. "I'm _so sorry. Please,_ Clay, I mean it. I never wanted to hurt them, and I never want to be like Bryce."

With that Justin lets out a tear. Clay thought of something that he never thought of before. _Forgiveness_. Seeing Justin like this made him feel something he never felt, and almost made him want to go and console him. To hug him. To mend the stray puppy that Clay saw in Justin's eyes.

"Justin, I. I - "

"Shouldn't you boys be in class?" Both of the boys jump, turning to see principal Bolan staring at them.

"No yeah, Mr.-" "We were just gonna start heading-" "Just talking something out-" both of the boys start saying. Interrupting each other. 

"Well starts moving then, I'll see you both in my office after school for skipping," Mr. Bolan says as he starts heading down the hall

"Yes, sir" Clay and Just say, almost in unison, facing each other again, in an awkward moment.

"I'll see you later Justin," Clay says as he closes his locker and starts leaving

"You too Jensen" Justin says as he starts walking with Clay

"What are you doing?" Clay says as he sees Justin walking behind him

"We have math class together Doofus," Justin says smiling a bit. For once an actual smile.

"Oh. Right" Clay says chuckling a bit to himself. Clay notices something in himself he didn't before. He felt _happy_? He felt _relieved?_ Either way, what happened at that moment with Justin changed his life forever and decided to himself that he would give Justin another try. Another try to be someone else because he felt something about Justin that he never felt with anyone in a long time after Hannah's death. _What could it be?_


	2. Your Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the day continues, all Justin and Clay think about was that moment in the halls in the morning. Not knowing what to say they each go through their day and finally reunite in the end to talk with Mr. Bolan. What will they do? What will Mr. Bolan ask? How will they interpret their feelings? And more importantly: WHEN WILL THE CLUSTIN SHIP SAIL!??!?!?!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the comments you guys have written, it means a lot to me! I'll keep trying to make this series enjoyable and post regularly. Hints why I'm posting an extra update! If you haven't noticed already, I will alternate between Justin's and Clay's POV, with italicized things as their thoughts. I hope this helps you read my story a bit better, and helps you learn more about my version of Clay and Justin. Anyways, enjoy the read, and thanks again!!!
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal

As both Justin and Clay reach the math classroom, ignoring the faux pas that happened during their way to class, they enter and sat down, ignoring each other for most of the period, each thinking to themselves _what the actual fuck just happened?_ Neither one of them could concentrate, instead, thinking about the other, a bit too much, wondering how and why they felt what they did. _Why do I feel sorry for him?_ Clay thought to himself, as he remembered seeing hurt and pain in Justin's eyes. He could hear his voice breaking down, almost in sorrow, begging for his forgiveness for what he did to Hannah, and what he didn't do to save Jessica. Clay knew a bit about Justin, how he had a hard time at home, how he hanged out with Bryce and the other jocks, how he hurt Hannah and all the other drama that involved him. They were never really friends, to begin with, only pulled together by the strings of fate via the tapes and suicide of Hannah, though the only feelings he had for Justin were anger and hatred. But now, it felt different. That moment when Justin grabbed him by the arm and stared into his vibrant blue and _beautiful? Fuck no_ eyes, he saw the sad and lost boy that Justin really was. _**RIIIIING**_ Clay almost falling off of his seat, hearing the bell indicating a switch in classes, was almost shocked wondering how time passed so quickly. Either way, he grabbed his stuff, and headed to lunch, hoping to change the subject at hand that he could only think about. Justin Foley. 

***************

As the bell rings, Justin heads to lunch, seeing by the corner of his eye that Clay too was also headed to lunch. Usually, Justin always hanged out with Bryce and the other jocks, but now that things are alight and not wanting to see Bryce ever again, decided to stay apart from them, sitting alone on one of the tables, minding his own business. Today was no exception. He got his food, sat down at a table with no one in it, and started eating. From afar, he could hear Bryce and his crew prancing into the cafeteria, with loud shouts and yells. _Typical_ he thought. He started to look around to see where they sat, which was to no surprise their usual table. Bryce in the center of them all, laughing with his sinister smile and always taking everything with no seriousness. Around him were some unfamiliar faces but quickly saw those who he did recognize. Scott and Zach. As he tried hearing what Bryce was saying, he heard another voice coming from the other side of the room. "Hey! Not cool guys!" Clay. He turned around to find Clay with his friends at their table, tossing a bag with a sandwich in it around. _Probably Clay's_ he thought, almost chuckling at the thought of the guy getting played with by his friends. _Should I go sit with them?_ he thought? He saw Tony, Courtney, Ryan, and Alex there, so he thought maybe they wouldn't be so against him walking up and asking if he could take a seat with them. Something in him wanted to go and laugh around with them, to have a bit of fun, and take his mind off of the shit that he dealt with. _Fuck it_ he said lowly as he started gathering his things and started getting up to go to the table. Immediately after getting up, he felt a hand push him back down, almost yelping thinking it might be Bryce trying to fuck with him once again.

"Hey dude, Haven't talked to you in a while!" Justin turns back almost trembling when he sees Scott talking to him with a pleasant smile. A contagious one really, because Justin couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Hey Scott," he says as he eases a bit, then seeing Zach excusing himself from the jocks at the other table and also coming to where Justin and Scott were.

"So, How are things going? I barely see you at practice lately and you've been distant from us ever since the trial started." Scott said, in a calm and nonchalant tone.

_He doesn't know,_ Justin thought, knowing that Bryce brainwashed the entire school and the entire town into thinking he never did anything to Hannah and to Jessica by being declared innocent for the rape of Hannah, Jessica, and many other victims. And Scott believed it, maybe not out of malice, but because he trusted Bryce. Something Justin came to learn was impossible because Bryce only did things in order to get paid back. Nothing he ever did was without a purpose. And when he wanted something, there was no stopping him from achieving it. _Well, he will never fuck me over again_ Justin thought, almost saying it but catching himself just in time. 

"Hello? Earth to Justin?" 

"Huh? Oh, sorry Scott, I was uh, thinking about some homework that I had" Justin says trying to not sound like he just lied.

"Oh, it's cool. Mind if I sit with you? I asked Zach if he wanted to come with, to which he said yes but clearly is flirting with that girl over there," pointing to Zach a bit flushed, speaking to a girl at another table"

"Yo Dempsey!!! Get your ass over here!" Scott yells, catching Zach's attention, who grabs his stuff, says something to the girl, and heads in their direction

"Soooo, Justin. Not trying to pry, but how are things between you and Jessica?"

Justin's heart sinks. 

"Emm, they could be better. For now, we just ignore each other and try to stay in our separate ways," Justin says, with sadness in his voice, knowing full well that he loved Jessica, although she never wanted to see him again. "I wanted to tell her that I a-"

"Yo Justin! How's it going!" Zach says as he reaches their table and starts sitting on the other side of Justin, all three of them barely fitting on one side of the table. 

"Hey Zach," Justin says with a chuckle as all three of them squish together, trying not to sit on top of each other.

"Just sayin, that girl over there is sooo into me," Zach tells the boys, showing his flustered face, which causes laughs and hysteria between them

"No I think she just had pity for you, Zach," Justin exclaims teasing Zach a bit before all three of them start talking about other things. 

Justin felt happier than usual, seeing how Zach and Scott tried cheering him up, talking to him, and getting him to feel like he had someone to trust. But as always, at the back of his mind, he could never get rid of the feeling that his problems were always there. His stupid and fucking problems. Ones that he wished no one else would have to bear with. _It's not your problem_ he thinks, as he sees Scott and Zach talking with him through the entire lunch period.

***************

Classes were as usual, and as always Clay had something in mind that kept him from paying much attention to the class at hand. As classes started and finished, the day was finally over and started to head to his locker to get his remaining things and leave the school. _Fuck, Mr. Bolan wanted to see me after school_ Clay thought, remembering once again the "incident" which is what he liked to call it, between him and Justin. He puts in his locker combination when Tony sneaks up behind him.

"Clay, you and me at Monet's right now?" Tony says, trying to captivate Clay's attention which was clearly nowhere to be found. A tap and little push on the shoulder finally brought the kid back into reality and out of his head?

"Huh?" Clay says as he shrugs of his daydreaming and proceeds to turn back, looking at Tony.

"Are you coming to Monet's with me and Caleb today?"

"Sorry Tony, I had to go to Bolan's office right now and got lots of work to get done," he says, knowing he told him the truth. Partially.

"Why did he ask you to come to him after class?" Tony blurts out without thinking, clearly trying to get information from Clay who hesitantly replies.

"Ummm, just something I have to take care of. Not your problem, and it'll be fine." Clay finally says

"Clay, are you ok?" 

"Yes, I'm fine Tony, in fact, it's amazing!" Clay says jokingly, knowing that his life is at its worst right now

"Tony! Let's gooooo!" At that, they both turn to the exit to find Caleb waiting for Tony

"Clay, if you need ANYTHING, talk to me. I will be there for you, you know that right?" Tony says, looking deep into Clay's eyes, hoping to get a truthful answer to what he said.

"Yes Tony, I promise," Clay says, and starts walking to the office as he leaves Tony there, wondering whether he was telling him the truth or just handing him another promise with no meaning.

***************

As Justin arrives at the office, almost leaving before if not for Mr. Bolan catching him on the way out, he sees Clay sitting at a seat, on his phone, reading about something he couldn't quite see. 

"Hey," Justin says to Clay, who quickly looks up, startled a bit, and quickly turns off his phone to direct his attention to Justin.

"Umm, hey," Clay says, not knowing what else to say.

They both sit there, being the quintessence of a faux pas, not knowing what to say or what to do. Both of them stare at each other and interchange glances, trying to decipher what the other is thinking. In those moments Mr. Bolan comes out of his office (to which the boys never noticed) and tells them to come to his office. As both of them make their way in, Mr. Bolan asks them to sit.

"Hello, Justin. Clay," Directing himself to them both.

"I'd like to talk about what happened in the halls today, and wondering how you guys are doing, especially after being so affected by what has happened."

"I'm fine" Clay and Justin blurt. Again, almost in unison, then quickly turning to each other, somehow figuring out that the other was lying. Both have had enough "I'm fine" statements told to them and saying themselves that they knew when one was actually ok, or whether it was a white lie. Mr. Bolan on the other hand took it as a truthful answer.

"I know things must be hard Clay, losing a friend like Hannah, but I assure you things get better, and you don't have to blame others for what she did" pointing very minutely at Justin, knowing what went down during the halls.

"Like you would know," Clay says in a really low tone so that Mr. Bolan couldn't hear, but Justin clearly could

"What was that?" Mr. Bolan says

"He said he told me that he was sorry for what he did," Justin says, trying to intercept and in a way defend Clay from getting more discipline from the school that caused the death of Hannah. Clay turns his gaze to him, which Justin reciprocated, each staring into the other's eyes. Something inside of them started turning. Something that they felt before was starting to return, and they knew it was the same feeling that day during the halls.

"Well, all I wanted to say is that I hope you guys will have better days ahead of you and can separate your differences to see that you two are a lot more similar than you know." With that, Mr. Bolan interrupts the boys who were lost in each other's gaze. They look back at Mr. Bolan, who talks to them a bit longer about things that they didn't really pay attention to. Minutes later, he dismisses and lets them leave. _This is not your problem_ Clay and Justin think, as they exit together, and hoping to keep all their secrets, all their issues, all their struggles, and all their feelings to themselves. Mr. Bolan was trying to understand, but they didn't want him to, and as they walked through the halls, neither one of them said a thing, but as they turned to each other before parting ways, something happened that couldn't be explained. Clay Jensen smiled at Justin Foley.

"Later Justin" Clay says with a _Warm? no Charming? no Happy? maybe._ A tone that filled Justin's stomach with butterflies, causing him to smile back. For once, a sincere smile that also emanated with a bit of caringness

"Later Jensen," Justin says, feeling himself walk up to Clay without even wanting to and wrapping his arms around Clay for a brief second. With his mind realizing what he did, he pulls back quickly and starts heading the other direction, feeling his heart skip a beat as he walks away from Clay Jensen. _I am not your problem_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd ya think? I had a ton of fun writing this next chapter, I hope you guys like it too. The ship has begun to sail!!! Write down your comment, I'll gladly like to read it and take the feedback. Either way, thank you guys so much and I'll see you in the next chapter where Justin has to find a new place to stay. I wonder who it will be...


	3. I Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having his heart skip a couple of beats (because of Clay,) Justin heads out to find another place to stay. By creating a group chat with those he wants to ask, and a couple of encounters along the way, Justy ends his day, but not without having to deal with a couple of struggles and problems that he has to face. I wonder who he'll stay the night with...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so amazing! I never thought anyone would read my version of things, but either I'm really glad you guys enjoy this as much as I do. Clearly, my hype is so much I'm basically writing every day, because I love seeing you're reactions and comments. Thank you once again and enjoy this next chapter following Justin (and a bit of Clay) around :)
> 
> \- With much love, Sympathetic Narwhal
> 
> P.S Stay tuned for another chapter tomorrow!

_Why the fuck did I just do that?_ Justin almost tells himself as he's walking down the street, heading to Monet's, wanting something to drink because clearly, his head was not in the right space. As he walked, all he could think of was two things: Clay Jensen and finding a shelter. For now, though, Clay seemed to be having the priority (Shocking, I know.) He tried to understand why he wanted to hug Clay and more importantly why he felt so _flustered?_ That couldn't be it. Surely it couldn't. Could it be that he is in lo- **BEEEEEEEEP** " **Hey**!!! Watch where you're goin kid!" Justin stops, jumps back, and realizes where he is: in the middle of the road. He sees a car inches from where he is, right in the middle of the road. "Sorry!" Justin says as he runs as fast as he can out of the road, shocked that he almost got ran over, total attention given to something else. Justin tries to shrug it off and heads straight to Monet's. _How did I not realizes?_ he thinks, now almost punishing himself for walking onto the road without him even thinking. Now about his other problem, which should be more important to him than his situation with Clay, but didn't seem to have the importance that it thought it would. Shelter. Justin decides to ask a few of his friends to see who would take in a poor and lost puppy into their house. As always, lying and using an excuse to hide the fact that he was kicked from his home and almost beaten to death by "Meth Seth" nowhere near something that a father should be. Even his mother didn't fulfill the standards that a mother would do. Take care of their child. Protect them. Love them. _I wish_ , Justin almost says as he enters Monet, wanting to have an actual family as everyone else did. He feels turmoil in himself, knowing what that means, but puts it off as best as he can. He goes to the counter and orders himself a drink, a lemonade, not knowing what a mocha or a Frapuccino were or almost any drink on the menu. It was a coffee shop, anyways, but he rarely went to one, and if he did, he never ordered, because he couldn't afford it.

"Justin?" Justin starts to tremble, shivering as he turns his head slowly to the right, seeing the person that called him. Jessica. _Please God no._

"What are you doing here?" Jessica blurts, with a hint of anger and hatred in her speech, both knowing that things have been terrible between each other.

"Jessica, I-"

"Don't say it, Justin, I've heard enough of your shit" Jessica almost yells, catching some people's attention that were also at Monet's. Alex was with her.

"Jessica please," Justin says as he approaches her table. "I need to tell you. I need to make it up to you."

"No Justin, I will _never_ forgive you for what you did. I _never_ want to see you again," She says, taking Alex with her and heading out of Monet's

Justin couldn't take it anymore. His heart broke at that moment, seeing that he'll never be enough for her forgiveness. For her kindness.

"JESS PLEASE!" Justin says, grabbing her arm gently.

As she turns, she sees Justin, breaking down with tears in his eyes, shivering with fear, and in his eyes, Jessica could see what Clay could also see. Inside those perfect blue eyes of his, there was pain. Regret. and as if that wasn't enough, a person that had been shattered in pieces, with no consolation. 

Truly a stray.

"Justin, I-" 

"JayJay Folin!!! Your drink is ready!" Justin turns around, seeing the Barista placing the drink on the counter. After a few seconds, he realizes it's his drink, but clearly, his name had been spelled wrong. _Fucking Ironic._ _Always thought this shit was a lie, guess not._

With that, he turns back to Jess, who was gone. He dries off his tears, heads to the counter, takes his drink, and heads out of the cafe. _I wish she..._

***************

5:46 AM

 **Justin:** Really bored and I wanna stay over at one of my friends. Anyone want me to crash with em? *Puppy emoji*

 _What the_ \- Clay tells himself as he checks his phone and realizes it's a text from Justin, asking to stay at a friend's house. Friend. _I'm his friend?_ _Since when?_ Clay notice's he wasn't the only one he was texted to. Included were Zach, Scott, Alex, Tony, and himself. _Why doesn't he go to Bryce's_ , Clay thinks, quickly answering himself, remembering how he tried to protect him from Bryce and his goons. Immediately, he felt flustered, also remembering that hug between him and Justin, causing him to feel a wave of shock at what happened, but also remembering his desperate want to hug Justin back. In addition, how his face turned incredibly red, which thank God Justin didn't notice because he was too busy burying himself on his shoulders. _I wish I could've-._ No. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ Now resembling a tomato, trying to not remember what he felt the moment Justin hugged him. _Do I_ \- **DING**

5:48 AM

 **Zach:** Sorry Justin, May has a recital out of town and I won't be here this next week. *Bored emoji*

5:48 AM

 **Justin** : Alright, thanks anyways *Happy emoji*

 **Justin:** Alex, Scott, Clay?

 _Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit. What do I say? First off, do I want him here? YES- I mean, sure. Wh-_ **DING**

5:49 AM

 **Scott:** Sorry, I'm stayin with Bryce today, and I know you two won't get along *Sad emoji*

 _Well Scott and Zach can't take him. Maybe I should? What will we do? What will I say? I wann- NO. No, you don't._ Clay clearly overthinking and now being one with the tomatoes, face so red and heated even Clay can't deny that whatever is happening to him has to be linked with Justin. Clay decides to YOLO it and tells Justin he can stay over. "Justin you can st-" **DING**

5:53 AM

 **Alex** : You can stay at mine if you want *wave emoji*

5:53 AM

 **Justin:** Alright cool, see ya at 7 

_FUUUUUUUUCCC- I mean, whatever. Sure. Why did I take so long?_ Clay now calming himself down and returning to looking like a human (Still with a bit of genealogy with tomatoes) he decides to not worry about it anymore and finish the work he was doing. Re-opening his yearbook, he sees what he was looking for:

Justin Foley: On pages 16, 57, 83...

***************

Justin crawls into the room by the window, already knowing the standard protocol in doing so. As he opens the window slowly, he sees Alex on his bed, doing his homework as usual. Stepping in unnoticed by Alex somehow, whose devout attention was to his work, Justin closes the window behind him and slowly sneaks to Alex's bed

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Justin says something which causes Alex to face him with surprise on his face, clearly not hearing what was told to him

"Oh hey Justin, you were saying?" Alex tries to ask, which comes out as a whisper

"I asked what you were doin," Justin replies, trying to catch a glimpse of what the papers say, but not being able to as Alex turns them over, hand on top of them

"Oh, nothing, just, uh, some homework," Alex quickly exclaims, trying to hide something which was pretty clear to Justin.

"Wha-"

"Listen, Justin. I wanted you to come over because I wanted to talk to you about Jess, and what happened today at Monet's." With a stern face, Alex directs his glare to Justin, who, thankfully, was paying attention to him and not that _someone._

"Alex I-"

"No Justin. My questions first, your answers later. Here, sit," Alex implies, as he points to a place beside him on his bed. Although he sounded a bit frustrated, he didn't seem like it. As Justin sat down, they both turn to face each other, neither one of them daring to turn their glare away from the other. 

"Look Justin," Alex starts. _Oh God, here we go_ Justin thinks. 

"Did you really mean what you said to Jess? About wanting for her to forgive you? That you want to make it up to her?"

"Yes Alex!" Justin says, with a louder tone than normal "What I did to Jess. Hannah. Was disgusting, and I hate myself every day thinking that I could've changed Hannah's outcome. Protected Jess from that fucking beast," clearly referring to Bryce. "I will do _anything_ to make it up to her. She deserves that much at least." Yet again, Justin's eyes were swelling, with tears daring to come out of them, and let a cascade of emotions join with it.

"Justin. You know she never wants to see you. She doesn't _want_ you near her. Do you know how much she suffers? Constantly having panic attacks from that night, and not being able to sleep alone, scared to death it might happen again, and not being able to come near the jocks in fear Bryce will only hurt her?"

"I know!" This time tears starting to drop, emotions bursting out of him, sadness and disgust overcoming him. "I know..."

At that, Alex pulls Justin in, giving him a warm hug that caused Justin to just break down even more, inconsolable for those few moments, only having Alex as an anchor. Pulling back, Justin once again looks back to Alex, who was also tearing up, after hearing and really seeing that Justin wanted to change. For the better

"I wish. I truly wish I could've taken everything I did to the both of them back. To restart. To actually not be a fucking dick to them and make both of them happy." 

"Justin, do you love Jessica?" The question stuns Justin. 

"Of course I do! I love Jessica, she means so much to me." Justin had to say it, he truly loved Jessica. But...

"Justin," Alex says, changing his tone on one specific word, "do you _love_ Jessica?"

Justin knew what he meant. Alex wanted to know if Justin wanted more than a friendship with Jess. _Do I?_ he thought, perplexed. He had dated Jess before the incident with Bryce. He really did love her in that sense, but now that everything has changed, did he really want more than a friendship? I mean, assuming she even let him become friends in the first place, which was already Mission Impossible. Justin tried to think of anyone else that he could possibly fall for. No one came to mind. Jessica was the only one. Except, there was one. There was C-

"Justin?" Alex asks, interrupting Justin's chain of thought, who was staring at the bed.

Now returning to reality, he faces Alex, remembering the question asked. "No, Alex. I don't _love_ Jess that way anymore."

Alex, not satisfied with already prodding into Justin's personal life, asks another question that really sent Justin into a spiral

"Justin, is there someone else you have in mind?"

 _Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. What do I say? What can I say? There's no one else right? Yes, no one else. No one._ At that moment, a flash of the moment between Clay and Justin when departing raced across his mind. The hug, the warmth, the feeling, the skip of a beat. It all made clear sense to him now. _Clay Jensen._

"Justin, is there someone else?" This time with a bit more force, getting Justin's attention back, clearly flushed.

"I- uh," Justin trying to formulate the words, "Umm, ye-, I-," with a deep breath he says "Yes, there is someone else."

Alex, not surprised, says something that does surprise Justin, taking the air out of him:

"Alright, well make sure to protect this person with your life and not do the same mistake you did with Jess. Love them with all you have, and if you want I can tell them that they are in good hands." With a smile, Alex glares at Justin, who chuckled very lightly.

"Yes, Alex, you're right. I will," the boy now facing his hands. And then it hit him.

_I wish I had Clay Jensen_


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Justin's crash at Alex's and weird talk, the winter formal is in a week, causing our characters to wonder who they will be going with, and why. During the day, Justin's secrets come to light when Alex notices something at school that will make him rethink what he thought about Justin, and a proposal by the most unlikely creates an unlikely group that will go to the dance together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! As promised, here is the next chapter for you guys to enjoy and read! I'll see you guys in the next one, and thank you again for the amazing comments and positive feedback, I NEVER would have thought my work would be loved by so many of you! As always, leave a comment to let me know your thoughts on the read, and thank you again for the support!
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal
> 
> P.S This chapter contains very mild drug content which may or may not be suitable for you.

That night ended soon after the awkward silence between Alex and Justin after their "talk." Alex kept going in and out of his bedroom, either showering, eating dinner, having "family photo time," whatever that may be, and other chores that he had to do before heading to sleep. They both stayed quiet, only barely speaking when receiving snuck dinner from Alex. While Alex was showering, Justin felt his head panging with ache and started feeling sweat roll down his face. _Cravings. Fuck_ , Justin thought. Justin hid it pretty well, but he was an addict. One of the flaws he wished to never show to anyone. It all started with his mom leaving oxi on the table, as a 16-year-old, heard so many things about it in school, so he decided to try it out, and after a while, could not live without it. Another thing his mother had no regard for. Usually, he can go a few days before having to take a hit, but more recently, they've been more aggressive, causing him to writhe when his body does not receive what it demands. He couldn't keep them at bay forever, his face heating up, not being able to focus on the homework he was doing, and after a couple of minutes, just a couple, he couldn't take it anymore. He locks the door to the room, opens his duffle bag, takes out a bottle of shaving cream, removes the lid and the top half of it, revealing inside two bottles of pills (Molly most likely,) and a syringe, which by the looks of it, hasn't been properly cleaned. He takes a couple of pills, aggressively opening the bottle, smashes them into a fine powder, and mixes it with water, which creates the holy water which he longed and needed, In such a fast motion, he takes off his shoe and sock, revealing a scar in the middle of his big toe and next-to toe. He loads the syringe with the nectar, and slowly brings the syringe into the scar. He flinches, but used to the bit of pressure, pushed the liquid into his veins, and after finishing the dose, he feels a wave of relief crash onto him. His breathing returns to normal, his head stopped aching, and his hands stopped trembling. He was back to normality. Or so he thought. He knew he depended on this more than anything. It returned him to be "normal" and also knew that the moment he ran out, he wouldn't be strong enough to fend off against the cravings, and would go looking for more. He checked the bottles, to find he only had enough for 2 or maybe 3 doses if he pushed it before he had to find more. He slides them back into the bottle of shaving cream, closes it, and puts it back into his bag. In the process, he shifted and heard the metal clink of something else that was in his duffle. _The gun_. He completely forgot about it, but now not anymore. Before Justin left, he took the pills, gun, and wad of money from Seth. He knew Seth wouldn't be too happy about this, and would eventually come after him, the thought of him causing him to tremble a bit. _If Seth ever got a hand on me..._ **KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.** With that, Justin falls off the bed, taken aback by the sudden noise, but then hears Alex's whispers near the door, and sighs in relief.

***************

"What is going on?" Tony told to Clay, as they walked the halls, seeing everyone more frantic than usual.

"Hey Clay. Hey Padilla," Ryan says as he walks up to them, staring at Tony a bit more than he should, clearly eyeing his whole body

"You guys haven't heard? They just put up the posters for the Winter Formal! It's going to be a week from now, though terrible timing," Ryan remarks, indirectly talking about _that_ thing. 

"I'm going out with Courtney, as friends of course, because there isn't a single guy at this school that isn't stupid and bitch-y. And don't even get me started with the Jocks, Ughhh" Ryan tells the two, seeing as neither of them and anything to say, still stuck on why the hell they decided to keep the Winter Formal after everything that the school and they went through.

"That means I'll have to DJ the dance again," Tony finally says, breaking the silence

"Now to talk about more interesting topics, who are you two taking to the formal?" Ryan slyly adds in, trying to sip all the tea he could possibly get.

"I'll probably take Caleb," Tony tries to add, making sure to keep Ryan (or as Tony likes to call him 'la vibora invertida'), from making any more moves on him.

"What about you Clay, anyone that sparked an interest for you?" 

At that, Justin walks in with Alex, talking among themselves but stopping when they see Tony, Ryan, and Clay. _How fucking ironic_ is the only thing Clay can think about when those two walk in.

"Hey, Tony. Clay. Ryan." waving at each of them as he gets closer to get in on whatever they were saying

"What are you guys talking about?" Justin says with a shy and timid tone, making a puppy face, which to Clay's dismay, made his heart melt a little, almost showing it, before quickly refocusing and acting as he would normally. 

"We're talking about these two," Ryan says pointing at Clay and Tony "and who they will be taking to the Winter Formal." 

With that Clay and Justin's eyes meet, clearly glaring at each other to see what their reactions were. Ryan, as he always does, notices.

"Clay, JJ, do you two have something to share?" Ryan prods, both of them now looking back to Ryan and the others, who were glaring at them. At that both their gazes fell to the floor, red filling their face, showing the embarrassment and fluster taking over.

"I uh, we were- like, um, he wa-"

"I was gonna ask Jess to the dance," Justin interrupts, making Ryan gasp in horror

"Justin, I don't think that's a good idea," Tony says, trying to get him to reason and remember why in the first place she doesn't even want to talk to him

"I know, I know, but I want to make it up to her, I want to be there for her, and I want her to realize I don't want to be like the old me. I really love her," at that, all of them now show a bit of surprise. Justin continues:

"But as a best friend, and I don't want her to feel insecure or scared ever again." 

A few moments of silence proceed, all of them thinking about what Justin just said, Clay in specific, trying to comprehend was those last words meant.

"Well if that's what you want, then go for it," Alex says, trying to make this a more positive thing than a dread.

After a few moments, Ryan says he has to go and starts heading towards his class, Tony doing the same, and Alex also departing. All that was left was Clay and Justin.

"Hey Justin"

"Hey Clay"

They both say at the exact moment, tumbling on their words.

"You go first," Justin rebuttals quickly.

"No, you can go," Clay says.

"Clay. Umm I wanted to as-" **RIIIING RIIIING RIIING**

The school bell sounds

"I really have to get to class, but we can talk later, sounds good?" Clay says, starting to show redness on his face.

"Yeah, yeah sure, anytime," Justin says. "Later Jensen," this time with a smile

"Later JayJay Folin!" 

"Where did you hear that!!" Justin exclaims, walking away backward, still trying to face Clay

"Word travels fast JayJay," Clay says with a smirk, before turning away and heading to class

_I fucking love this guy_

***************

As Alex heads to the bathroom during class, he heads down the hall, and to his left, notices two figures right outside the entrance to the bathrooms. He quickly crouches down and hides alongside the wall. He almost gasps in shock when he sees who they are

"As promised," this person says as he hands over 100? 200 bucks? either way, the other person takes it and hands 3 bottles to the one who paid.

"Now stay away from me," Justin says as he takes the bottles and shoves them into his duffle bag, starting to head away when Bryce grabs him by the shoulder.

"Hey man-" 

"Don't fucking touch me, Walker," Justin warns, showing anger in his tone, though trying not to escalate it more than just talking

"Ok, Ok," Bryce says, retreating his hand off of Justin's shoulders

"Look Justin, we've been friends for a while an-"

"Not anymore," Justin says coldheartedly

"After what you did to Hannah. To _Jessica_ , calling her a summer hookup, raping her, making her scared to hell when she is alone. I can and will _never_ forgive you, Walker, not anymore." At that Justin walks away,

"Yo Justin!" Bryce shouts, clearly being ignored

"You'll always come back to me you worthless and addicted orphan," Bryce says, with the most disgusted tone he could possibly muster

With that, Justin feels himself breaking down inside, allowing Bryce's words to get to him. If it weren't for him not paying attention to his surroundings, Alex would've been caught sneaking. Before Byrce would come out too, Alex quickly runs towards the intersection of two halls, and hides around the corner, just in time before Bryce gets his stuff and heads away. 

_The the fuck just happened_ , Alex tells himself, trying to fathom what took place just a few seconds ago.

***************

At lunch, Ryan, Courtney, Tony, and Clay were sitting at their regular spot. As always, talking about any topic of interest at the time. This time, however, Clay saw someone else join the fray. As Justin timidly asked if he could join the group, they all agree. Clay makes space for him, and they sit down together, avoiding eye contact and focusing on their lunch. The group continued as normal, now talking about the Formal, how it would be, the theme of the night, and asking each other who they were going to take to the Formal.

"We can go as a group," Someone says from afar, now nearing them. Zach and Scott.

"Yeah, we have no dates so maybe we can go out as friends," Scott adds, trying to sound friendly and trying to get the others on board.

"Courtney and I are going together," Ryan interrupts, getting himself out of it

"Yeah Caleb and I were going together too," Tony adds

Meaning, the only ones left were Justin, Zach, Scott, Alex, and Clay

"Doesn't matter," Zach finally says

"All 5 of us can go then," pointing to the five who had no date

"I'm really not a party person," Clay says trying to not go to the Formal, although he really wanted to see Justin in a tux. _For no reason,_ he thought to himself, clearly lying.

"Well if Jeff were here," Scott continues, " We would be saying, 'I won't take no as an answer! Get your ass over here!'" Scott remarks, trying to imitate the low but calm and understanding voice Jeff always had. They laugh a bit, before returning to the subject at hand.

"I'm all for it, if Jess doesn't want to go with me" Justin finally says to break the awkwardness among them

"Which she probably won't Alex says," trying to sound reasonable and not rude or blunt

"Yeah, you're probably right, but still worth a try," Justin says, catching the attention of Clay, who seemed to be a bit _annoyed?_ when he said he would go with Jess

"Yeah me too" Zach also chimes in

"Well better than being alone at the dance," Alex says, reasoning with himself and deciding he will, because why not.

"Count me in," Scott says excitedly, trying to get Clay hyped up also, who isn't buying it

"I don't know guys," Clay says, looking at each and every one of them, staring more intensely at Justin, who reciprocates the stare, causing Clay to fall under the spell of those aqua blue, sapphire-like eyes. 

"Fine, let's do it," Clay finally says, quickly changing his mind, breaking the enchantment cast upon him by Justin

"Alright, cool! We have one week to get ready, let's do this gentlemen," Scott says before he heads out with Zach, leaving the other back to where they originally were

"So as I was saying..." Ryan continues

Justin wasn't paying attention anymore. He was thinking about the dance, about how excited he was with going with those other than Bryce. How he was going with Clay Jensen. Well not specifically, but it will have to do for now. As if both of them were thinking the same thing, they turn to gaze at each other once again, taking in the presence of each other. It made Justin's heart race faster, and pound harder into his chest. With a smile, Clay turns back to Ryan, who was talking about who-knows-what.

_That's Clay Jensen,_ Justin thought to himself as lunch continued and all he could think about was how handsome Clay would look in a tux.


	5. Schedule

Hey Guys! So I decided that I will now have a fixed schedule to make sure you guys know exactly when I'll be uploading chapters for you guys to read. It will be as following:

2 Chapters a week:

  * 1 on Saturday's
  * 1 on Wednesday's



This will help me to plan these stories much better and make it more enjoyable for you guys to read. I hope I don't disappoint you too much, but it will help me stay on track with the story I have set for these two cuties (Clay and Justin.) Anyways, I posted an update today (Saturday) so the next one will be as scheduled, which is on Wednesday. I hope you look forward to the next chapters, which will be about the Winter Formal, and other concepts I have in mind. Either way, I hope you have a lovely day and I hope you keep enjoying this series as much as I do!

\- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal


	6. Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the week draws near for the Winter Formal, Justin decides to take his chances and ask Jess to the dance (obvious mistake.) The boys get together to make their plans for their day and day before the Formal. Does Justin ask Clay to the dance? Does Jess even consider the offer by Justin? And more importantly: will Alex ever finish the entire menu at Monet's?!?!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wednesday has finally arrived, and with it comes a new chapter and more Clustin awkwardness! I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter as the 'Scooby Gang' gets ready for the Formal and Justin's hard-headedness keeps him from asking Clay to the dance (but clearly asking his Ex. Impressive Justin. Very impressive.) Anyways, once again thank you for the support and I'll see you guys next chapter!
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal
> 
> P.S We have over 250 hits!??! Incredible you guys! Much love to you all!!!

As lunch ended, the crew went its way, heading towards their respective classes. After their long talk with Ryan about "Ryan" things (which in reality was just Ryan talking for the rest of the period), and in specific his hatred for the jocks, one thing that stood out to Justin during Ryan's entire rampage of words. It was him saying that his "Gay-dar is never wrong," clearly implying some of the jocks might be closeted. _Did he know?_ Justin thought as he remembered seeing Ryan look at him and Clay with a small smile the moment he said those words. No one noticed except Justin, trying to comprehend why the smile, and why them. _What does he know?_ Justin kept on asking himself as he went through the halls. Maybe Ryan did know something? Maybe he knew things have been a bit awkward between him and Clay. No one else seemed to notice, but maybe Ryan was different. Maybe he has noticed. Maybe he has realized how Justin acts around Clay. _I mean, I barely know Ryan,_ Justin adds. But either way, something was up, and he had to find out what Ryan knew because as Justin knows already, things don't just stay with Ryan. Whenever he has "tea" as some call it, he makes sure everyone learns about the gossip he has to say. As an example, he remembers freshman year, when Ryan went around the whole school saying Clay was gay, which caused Clay to refute the sayings. It was something else Justin didn't understand, trying to come up with a reason as to why Ryan would be saying such things if he didn't have any solid support for such a strong claim. Maybe he did have something. Did he see something? Did he know something they didn't know? Either way, the claims were eventually forgotten and discredited when Ryan admitted he was lying. _Or was he?_ Before that, things were not so well between Clay and him, but now they seem like good friends. _I wonder if Clay really i-_ without noticing, Justin crashes onto someone in the halls, forgetting he was even heading to his class, his attention somewhere completely else, which was a horrible habit that he tended to do. Get lost in his head. Not paying attention to what he is doing.

"Oh, Shit! I'm so sorry," Justin quickly remarks, as he quickly snaps out of his thoughts to realize it was none other than Jessica Davis. _Not the best circumstances to meet again_ Justin tells himself, as he sees Jess furious. She dropped a folder filled with papers but decided to leave it as she quickly tries to exit the building.

"Jess! Wait!" Justin sprints towards her, picking the fallen folder of _posters?_ and tries to get her attention, which (to no avail) does not get it

"Jess, please wai-"

"WHAT, JUSTIN?!??!" Jess shouts, the entire hall silencing itself, eyes tracking where the sound came from, leading to the two right in the center of the hall. Justin and Jess.

"What do you want?! I told you not to get _near me,"_ she says, sounding as if she threatened to do something if Justin tried to do exactly what she doesn't want. Which is what he is doing right now.

"Jess please, I just wanted to talk to you. I need to know you-" 

"Don't. Ask. I've been told that shit over and over it has no fucking meaning anymore!" On the verge of yells, Jess says, tears falling off of her eyes. Justin couldn't do anything but feel tears swelling in his eyes too.

"You really wanna know if I'm fine? If I'll ever forgive you? If you think I can just _forget_ what you _let_ that monster do?"

"Jess, I-" Immediately, he opens the folder with papers he was holding, showing in bright red letters, "Hands Off Committee. We will not be silenced."

Jess snatches the folder from Justin, who can't seem to hold back a tear, which slides off of his cheek and lands on the posters, which he thinks Jess might have been placing around the school.

"Well, I hope this can tell you whether I'm fine or not," Jess says with a broken voice, pointing at the paper.

Justin was shocked. As he read the rest of the poster, he could see that this "committee" was aiming to take down all those jocks and others who harmed or harassed women. Who had been broken like Jess, and who were also ready to use their voices to call out the injustice and ask for change. Right at the bottom, it said "President: Jessica Davis." _She is not fine_ Justin realizes, knowing Jess is trying to be strong, but seeing her like this, he knew she wasn't. And it was all his fault. 

"Oh, and Courtney already told me you wanted to ask me to the Winter Formal," Jess says, breaking the silence after seeing Justin not respond to her, who was looking down on the ground after finishing reading the poster.

"You really have balls Justin, to ask the girl you let get raped to go to the Formal with you." With that, Jess dries off her tears and walks down the hall, each sound of her heels hitting the floor reminding her of that night, as the bed creaked every time Bryce pushed himself inside of her, who mercilessly pushed his weight onto her, almost making it impossible for her breathe, and ignoring the plea and yelp for him to stop.

_I never should have asked..._

***************

4: 46 AM

 **Justin:** Guys, let's meetup at Monet's to talk about the plans this Saturday for the Formal

4:46 AM

 **Clay:** Alright cool, I'll be there in 30

4:47 AM

 **Alex:** Count me in, also be there in 30

4:50 AM 

**Zach:** Scott and I are just finishing practice, but also be there in 30

4:51 AM

 **Justin** **:** Alright, I'll talk to you guys later *Smile emoji*

With that, Justin puts his phone back into his pocket and heads to Monet's to meet up with the rest. Ask Justin walked down the sidewalk, he could feel his craving starting to itch him, making him feel a bit nervous and anxious, but he can't help it as his body is now wired to _need_ the drug, not just _want_ it anymore. Trying to put that aside, Justin thought of a different matter that seemed to help relieve the craving a bit: asking Clay Jensen to the Winter Formal. _What would he even say?_ Justin tries to rationalize, as he bit his lip, being completely in the dark. He didn't know Clay much, barely at all, and maybe the only thing keeping them together and the rest of the gang was what happened to them all. _Did Clay even have an interest in men? Fuck, do I even like guys?_ Justin couldn't answer himself. He always liked girls. What he had with Jess was real, he really believed it, but that same feeling he felt when he was with Jess, he could also feel the spark of it when he's with Clay. _Should I ask?_ _Ask. I mean I had the balls to go up to Jess, so why not ask Clay?_ This time Justin could actually tell answer his question: _because Clay doesn't like guys, and if he did, he would never look to a broken piece of shit like me..._

***************

"So guys, I just had the greatest idea," Clay says as he sits back down to the table we were at, handing us the drinks we ordered with a kind smile that Justin couldn't stop staring at.

"Lemme guess, we're cancelling this whole Formal thing," Zach says as he interrupts Clay's sentence.

"Very funny Zach," Clay reciprocates, earning a small chuckle from Scott, who was sipping on his milkshake.

"Anyways, as I was saying, as we know, the Winter Formal is this Saturday, the 26." Clay stops, staring at everyone else, who didn't seem to understand what Clay was trying to say

"Guys, the Formal is on the 26." Again, no one responds, instead of staring back at Clay, in specific Justin with a very confused look.

"Yeah, so?" Scott replies finally. Clay scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you guys? The day of the Formal is the 26, and the day before is the 25th, which is c-"

"Ohhhhhh" the entire group exasperates, finally understanding what Clay was trying to say

"ristmas day," Clay says, continuing where his sentenced got cut off

"Oh fuck, I completely forgot," Alex says,

"So did all of us," Justin says, as he speaks for the group collectively

 _Damn, are we really that lost?_ Justin thinks. He never really thought of Christmas as anything, since he never celebrated it, much less in family. It appears as though everyone else has forgotten about the holiday, too focused on school and all the problems that had gone through, severely downplaying them by just calling them mere "problems."

"Anyways, my parents are out this week visiting my grandparents for the holidays, which is why I remembered what time of the year it was. If it wasn't for that I would also be as clueless as you guys," Clay adds

"So what do you want to do?" Zach asks, not really knowing the answer to what Clay is trying to ask

"Well, I thought maybe we could all hang out during Christmas evening since school is off, then you guys could stay the night so we can get ready the next day for the Formal."

The group became silent, everyone thinking about what Clay proposed. The only sound was Scott's intense slurps as he (literally) chugs down the milkshake.

"I'm all for it," Justin says, causing all the glances to look over to him. Justin looked around to see Clay giving him a small smile, which only caused him to smile back.

"Sounds fun, I'd be down too," Alex states, which gives Clay more confidence in his plan, now looking more determined to convince the other two.

"What do you guys think?" Clay directs the question to Zach and Scott, who are the only ones who haven't answered yet.

"Well, my mom definitely wouldn't be all for it," Zach arguments, which Clay knows he can't refute having known his mother and how strict she is.

"But," the word giving Clay a spark of hope which could be seen in his eyes.

"I can always tell her I have a project with you guys. She'll buy it for a while, but I think we'll be in the clear."

"Great! What about you Scott?"

Scott waited for a second, trying to formulate the answer that he wanted to create.

"I was actually going to spend the day with Charlie."

"Charlie St. George? The Quarterback?" Zach immediately asks, almost interrogating Scott.

"Yeah, him," Scott says in a shy voice, now thinking that maybe he did something wrong.

"Well no worries Scott, we can invite him over with us and see if he wants to join us at the Formal. Shouldn't be a problem, right guys?"

Everyone starts nodding, agreeing that having a +1 to the group wouldn't do any harm. Alex on the other hand was in his own world.

"Alex, you there?" With those words, Alex snaps back to reality from whatever he was thinking.

"Hmm? Yeah, bringing Charlie would be fine," he finally says, extremely quickly, then immediately turning his gaze towards the ground. Justin could see it. He could see the slightest of redness on Alex's face. _A blush? Oh shit, does Alex li-_

"Alright, well its settles gentlemen, we'll ask Charlie to join us, and we'll see each other on Friday evening. Also, bring presents, because we'll also have our mini-Christmas gift thingy that evening," Clay tries to add.

Everyone agrees, some finishing up their drinks, while others going for seconds, but everyone staying in silence, not wanting to talk for the remainder of their time together.

***************

 _It's now or never,_ Justin thinks, as he heads towards Clay, nervousness and anticipation rising with every step he takes towards the boy

"Hey Clay," Justin says, as Clay turns his glare away from his drink and towards Justin. Justin could only stare in awe as he saw the boy's rich brown eyes and perfectly sculpted face. 

"Yeah Justin?" Clay replies, now standing up with his drink in hand, ruffling his hair with his other hand, causing Justin to almost lose his sanity, seeing the boy in an almost posing body. All Justin could do is gape in amazement.

"Justin?" 

"Ohh yeah, sorry." With that Justin quickly faces the floor, now having his face flushed with red, trying to hide it from Clay

"Clay, I uhh wanted to uhh, well you know, maybe ask you to the dance?" With himself finally calmed down, he is able to look back towards Clay, who had a confused face on himself.

"What do you mean dummy," Clay says very playfully, "We are going to the dance together. You and me and everyone else." No one else was there, Just Clay and Justin.

"Well yeah," Justin says with a light laugh.

"But I meant if you wanted to go together. Just you and me." 

"What, you and me like a date?" Clay says, quickly changing his expression to a more serious one, now looking concerned at the question asked.

Justin couldn't hold it back anymore

"Clay, I, uuhhh, I really like you, and I wanted to go to the dance with you in order to get t-"

"Wait wait wait wait wait," Clay stops him

"You _like_ me?" Justin couldn't read Clay's expression until the next few words came out of his mouth.

"Yeah, I do."

Clay's face turned into utter disgust, stepping back from Justin.

"Wait. You're a fag?" Clay adds a hint of anger to his words, which were already filled with disgust.

Those words pierced Justin's heart, causing his eyes to swell.

"Well, I dunno, I jus-"

"Oh. My. God. You are a fag," Clay scoffs.

Cracks now covering Justin's heart.

"Clay, I-"

"Shut up. So you're telling me you _used_ Hannah as your 'chick' just so you could keep yourself hidden?"

Justin's heart now filled with cracks, some falling apart from the whole

"No, Clay, I nev-"

"And you _let_ Jessica get raped because you didn't even like her? Fucking unbelievable. And now you like _me?_ What, you're gonna do what you did to them to me?"

Tears now falling off of Justin's eyes.

"No, Clay, I just r-"

"Get the fuck away from me. For the record, I'm straight, and _normal_ , unlike you. You really are the worthless and weird shit I thought you were."

The strain was too much. Justin's heart shattered into a million pieces.

"Clay please I didn't mea-"

"Leave, Justin. I never want to see shit like you again."

" **NO PLEASE CLAY!!!** "

With that, Justin wakes up in complete sweat, shivering and now standing up from the couch. He checks the time and sees it's 2:34 in the morning. 

"Justin, are you ok?" Justin turns to see Alex standing from his bed, clearly awake by the intense scream Justin let out.

"Yeah, umm, just a nightmare, I'll be right back." Justin grabs his duffle bag and heads to the bathroom

"Justin wai-" is all Justin heard when he closed the door behind him, exiting Alex's room and heading down to the bathroom, still shivering with chills, and still sweating. The combination of the nightmare and the severe craving he felt could not keep back his addiction. 

_I should've never even thought of asking him,_ Justin thinks as he closes the door to the bathroom. Once closed, he takes out his syringe and pills, doing the only thing that could help him relieve himself from the headache, cravings, stomachache, and chills: take a hit. 


	7. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the nightmare, Justin had at Alex's and his way to end it, the gang meets up the next day to attend the school meeting. Unknowing of what may happen, one thing is certain: Jessica will be speaking, and she won't do so without saying what's on her mind. As things heat up in the meeting, something happens that shocks the gang, and gets Justin in the center of it all. After the school day, the boys meet up with Charlie to get to know him better but two of these lovely gentlemen head somewhere else to speak together, and not about the Formal...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, new day, new chapter! This one really shows Justin's instability and desire to do the right thing, albeit not through the best ways, but he's trying. And of course more fuzzy feelings between Justin and Clay. thank you guys so much for the support as we have over 300 hits! Incredible you guys, I hope I continue pleasing my audience with this story because I sure am enjoying writing this. Anyways, get some popcorn and enjoy the read and I'll see you guys next chapter!
> 
> \- With many hugs (I know, Covid, but shhh,) Sympathetic Narwhal

After coming out of the bathroom, relaxed after taking in the concoction he had learned to need and crave for, Justin goes back into Alex's room, who was still waiting for Justin. Neither of them said anything to each other, Justin not knowing how to explain what he just said or did, and Alex not knowing how to ask why Justin said what he did. As Justin laid back down onto the couch, Alex took it as a sign that Justin did not want to talk about it and also went back to sleep. _Please, Clay._ Those words Alex didn't quite understand why Justin yelled them in his sleep.

***************

As Clay closed the door to his car, Tony walks up to him, reminding him of the schoolwide meeting that was taking place before class. As they walked together. they met up with the rest of the gang. Everyone except Jess, which to Clay made sense since now Justin started hanging around them, and for now, they seem like two positive magnets that the closer you try to put together, the more they repel each other. As they sat down on the benches in the gym, they saw a couple of people sitting in the middle of the court, Jessica being one among them.

"Time to place bets guys, what do you think is gonna go down today?" Everyone turns to see Alex

"What? I'm just curious as to what you guys think this will be about?" With that Alex rolls his eyes and points at Jess who was reading something off a piece of paper

"And more importantly, what is she doing there?" No one knew what to answer, because really, no one had talked to Jess much, at maximum maybe a couple of sentences with her. She's been "busy," which is what she tells everyone else who tries to get an actual conversation with her. But Justin knew, he knew from the start, what this entailed as soon as he saw Jess sitting in the center of the court.

"Jess is going to announce her committee," Justin blurts, as everyone's gazes stare at Justin in utter confusion.

"What? What do you mean by committee?" Clay is the first one to ask, now serious.

"Well, yesterday when I, umm, when I talked to her, I saw a flyer she was going to up on the school walls."

"Do you know what this committee is about?" Alex is the next one to ask, also looking concerned.

"It was called the HO committee if I remember correctly. Stood for 'Hands Off,' something about speaking up and taking back their control over their bodies." Immediately, the group went silent. _Shit, Jess_ , Justin thought, knowing she would go to the extremes to get her point across.

"Oh God, she's talking abou-"

"Her being raped," Clay says, finishing the sentence Zach started

"And I bet she's going to blame it on the jocks," Alex doesn't hesitate to say, which everyone agrees, now worried about how this might end. Will she really openly condemn Bryce and his team? Will she really go against them? Either way, they were about to know soon as Principle Bolan walks towards the stage, and everyone begins to quiet down. _Here we go,_ Justin thinks, clenching his fists and biting his lower lip, scared knowing the jocks will do _anything_ to keep their reputation, and if _anyone_ tried to ruin it, they _will_ go after them. 

"Thank you, ladies and gentleman," Principle says, starting off the school meeting.

***************

The meeting started off to a normal start, with a couple of announcements about school management and school hygiene. The next time slot was the introduction of the many sports team the school had, with the captains speaking about the sport and their teams. One of them being the football team, which Bryce now captained. Seeming as a mini pep-rally, people cheered all around them, as each captain gave their praise to their team and flaunting their wins. Bryce as always, when in public view of teachers and adults, acts like a completely different person: humble, kind, patient, the whole thing. And it was all a lie. After Bryce's whole 5 minutes of faked humility and encouraging words for his team, the captains of their respective teams sit back to where they were, and the meeting continues to the last time slot: the clubs.

"Now, we'd like to take the time to let our clubs make any announcements they would like to say. First on our agenda is Jessica Davis." With that, Mr. Bolamn sits back onto his chair, and Jessica walks towards the podium, seeming more ferocious than ever.

"Here goes nothing," Zach whispers to the rest of the group, now even more anxious with what Zach said.

"Good morning students of Liberty High," With that, Jessica gets the attention of the entire gym, silencing as they hear her.

"I'm Jessica Davis, and I am here to announce a committee that I will be forming, called HO, standing for 'Hands Off.'" Immediately, throughout the entire gym, whispers and small conversations spread. Like wildfire, it starts small at first but increases the more it has to feed on.

"I'm creating this committee for all those who were hurt, harassed, or violated by the jocks of the school, who feel entitled to take whatever they want whenever they want. I am here to put a stop to this, to show them that we will not be silenced, that we wi-"

"Boooo!" The whispers stop almost instantly, everyone looking around to see where the shun came from. Clay could already see who it was, as he'd been watching the entire football team since the beginning of Jessica's speech. Montgomery de la Cruz. 

Ignoring the comment, Jessica continues. "That we will _not_ stand for this injustice. It is my mission to bring _each and every one of you down."_ Jessica starts pointing at the entire football team.

"And _especially you_ ," Jessica states with affirmation as she points at Bryce Walker, the guy who raped her, but no one ever believed.

"Injustice my ass!" Immediately the gym roared to life, with insults being thrown at everyone, some defending Jessica while others defending the jocks. Jess was caught in the middle of it, seeing it all happen from the center of the gym. It seemed as though physical involvement would be happening at any moment.

The group was astonished, seeing the response of what Jessica had to say. Especially the reaction of one of the students sitting right next to them, which Justin caught by the corner of his eye. He slid his hand underneath the girl beside him and started touching her. He had the exact sinister smile growing on his face, and the girl was helpless. Her eyes showing her lifelessness, insensitivity to it all, as if it had happened before and had no say in when it would stop. The only thing that showed on the girl's face was tears, as they ran down her cheeks, and the other student's face growing even eviler. All Justin could see in him was Bryce.

"You BITCH!" Is the only thing Justin said as he couldn't take it anymore headed straight towards the guy and shoved him out of the seat, locked him on the ground, and started punching him with everything he had

"How dare you do that to her! You piece of SHIT!!!" Scarlet red started covering Justin's hands, as he made sure the kid would not ever do that again.

"SHE COULDNT DEFEND HERSELF, SHE WAS SCARED, HOW DARE YOU DO THAT!" Yet again landing another solid blow on the students, which was starting to bleed at the lips and nose.

"THIS WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL IS FILLED WITH HEARTLESS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT NEVER GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHO YOU'RE HURTING!" The student tried to shield himself but Justin didn't care anymore. He didn't care about the stares that he was getting from the entire section around him. He just didn't care. Clay did.

"JUSTIN, ENOUGH! LET HIM GO!" Clay grabs Justin from behind, barely being able to talk over the entire gym now in a panic, yelling, and involved in their own conversations. Clay drags Justin out of the gym, as he hears Principle Bolan at the podium begging for order, leaving the student gasping for air on the ground, now other people around the gym starting to notice what just happened, and now staring in horror at the kid who was laying on the ground, with red liquid gushing from his nose and lower lip.

"Justin what the h-"

Justin doesn't hesitate and throws himself onto Clay, hugging him tight, hoping he would never let him go.

"Clay, he, he was touching that girl, and she, she" Justin says, tears drowning his words, feeling himself trying to explain what happened, but his desperation surpassing his own words. Then he felt it.

He felt Clay hugging him back.

"Hey, hey it's ok, it's ok Justin, calm down," now Clay patting Justin's back. Justin could feel Clay's warmth envelop him, feeling his caring hands calming him down and now pushing him back a bit so he could face Justin.

"Clay, I tried to protect her, that guy, he touched her as if he didn't care what she wanted, and the way he looked at her, it was horrible Clay. I didn't want her to be another Jess, I wanted to stand up, not wanting to make the same mistake I did to Jess. I'm sorry Clay, I'm so s-" Justin now starting to tear back up, seeing his hands tainted with the blood of the student he just hurt.

"Hey, look at me Justin," Clay says as he puts his hand on Justin's cheek and pulls his face up to meet their eyes. 

"You did what you thought was right to protect her. I believe you Justy, and I'm sure you are trying to make up for what you didn't do for Jess." _Justy?_ Justin slams himself back onto Clay, hugging him even tighter, sobbing on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Clay," Justin finally is able to say, as they sit there, in each other's arms, feeling as time stopped and all that mattered was being in each other's embrace.

 _I really like you,_ is all Justin can think.

***************

The school meeting ended right after the dilemma from Jessica's speech, with the teachers and student's going back to their classroom, and the student who was on the ground, was now at the infirmary, being treated. After their hug, Clay went back inside to tell the gang what happened (though they already knew after witnessing it first-hand) and told them to go on without him or Justin. Without another word, they exited and the gym was left empty, with no one left inside. Then, Clay brought Justin to the bathroom to wash his hands from the crimson color that covered small parts of his hand and took him to his class.

"Th, thank you, Clay. Again," Justin says as they reach the door to the classroom where Justin's next period was. Justin now flustered, keeps his gaze stuck to the floor, trying not to show it.

"Anytime, Justy," Clay adds in such a kind voice, patting Justin's shoulder

 _There it was again. Justy,_ Justin thinks, before quickly nodding to Clay and opening the door, entering his class, not knowing what else to say. 

_Well shit_ , is all Clay could think as he also walked to his class, reliving the entire thing all over again.

***************

As the bell rang, ending the school day, Clay gets his stuff and starts heading to his car, before receiving a text. He quickly checks it to see it was sent to the group chat of the people going to the Formal together.

**3:36 PM**

**Scott:** Meet at Monet's in 15? Got someone to introduce before we take em with us to the Formal

**3:37 PM**

**Alex:** Lemme guess, Charlie? *Thinking emoji*

**3:37 PM**

**Scott:** Exactly, so is that a yes? *Happy emoji*

**3:38 PM**

**Justin:** Sure, Alex and I will be there

**3:39 PM**

**Zach:** I'm down, be there in 10

**3:40 PM**

**Alex:** I never agreed Justin

**3:40 PM**

**Justin:** Doesn't matter if you agreed, we're going *Winking face emoji*

**3:41 PM**

**Alex:** Ughh, fine, we'll be there soon *Rolling eyes emoji*

Clay didn't think he had anything important that he had to complete that day, just a couple of homework assignments. Seeing as he had nothing else to do, he decided to join em to see what Charlie was all about.

**3:43 PM**

**Clay:** I'll be there too.

With that, he turns his phone off, gets into the car, and heads to the cafe to meet the rest. _Who is Charlie anyway? Is he like Zach and Scott, or is he one of Bryce's goons, or even worse: someone just like Bryce? I heard he was a football player, so that means he's on the team, so does..._

***************

"Nice to meet you guys! Scott told me quite a few things about you. Y'all seem pretty cool!" With that, Charlie introduces himself, as Clay, yet again, returns to the table with the drinks everyone ordered. He starts giving them around but noticing that Justin didn't get one. He was pretty distant from what happened this morning. During lunch, he didn't talk or eat, and now he seems even more isolated than before, not even paying attention anymore, or at least trying to.

"Thanks, Clay," Charlie says as he gets handed his drink, to which Clay nods, finally being able to sick back down.

"So what _did_ Scott tell you about us?" Alex is the first one to ask, not having eye contact with Charlie.

"Well that for starters, you guys are going to the Formal together as a group, and that you guys are really good friends." Charlie seemed genuine in his intentions, and Clay caught onto that quickly, which allowed him to relax a bit, not being so tense as he was before.

"More like temporary alliances," Zach says under his breath, which is noticed by Alex who was right beside him, and chuckled at the comment.

"Well nice to finally meet you, Charlie," Clay says, then extending his hand to greet him like the weirdo he was.

"Well now that that's outta the way," Alex resumes, trying to act as nonchalant as possible before asking his question:

"Tell us more about yourself, Charlie." Alex couldn't hide his cheeks reddening, so he resumed to sip on his banana spinach frappucino with 2 pumps of cream and extra caramel on the top? _Jesus this kid really will try and finish the menu_ Clay thought as he turned away from Alex and now to Justin, who was absent-minded.

"Hey, Justy? You ok?" Clay has resorted to calling Justin, 'Justy,' which he thought would be a more gentle way to communicate with the boy since it seemed to lighten him up a bit. Justin flinches at his name, turning his head from the ground to look at Clay, eyes filled with sadness and remorse.

"Yeah, I'm ok Clay," Justin says as he tries to formulate a smile, which to some might fool, but not Clay. Clay could easily see through the façade and tried to go get through it to talk to the real Justin and to find out if he really was fine.

"You sure? If you want, we can head to the park and talk it out. I'll be there for you Justin, you don't have to fake it with me."

Justin waits for a second to contemplate the offer, thinking really hard on it, and seeming as if his head was blowing a bit of steam from all the thinking. Clay knows how to relax him, so he puts his hand on Justin's shoulder, unnoticed by the rest of the group, and after the first brief second of tensing, Justin seems to relax, giving out a sigh.

"Umm, yeah, sure, I'd like that," Justin now turns back to see Clay with a genuine smile, grateful for the offer given.

After hearing Justin, Clay clears his throat to get the attention of the rest of the group that was talking to Charlie, now facing Clay with a curious look. "Alright guys, Justin and I have to go, we'll see you guys later, and nice to meet you, Charlie, we hope to see you at my place's on Friday."

The group turns to face each other, interrupted by what Clay had to say, and sat there in silence, waiting for an explanation as to why they are leaving, which Clay never gave.

Charlie is the first to speak, breaking the silence, not understanding what was happening between them. "Alright, you guys, nice to meet you too!"

With that, Clay tugs Justin out of the cafe by the sleeve, leaving the others to continue their conversation, worried that something may be wrong.


	8. My Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Justin and Clay head out to have their talk, a new friendship is forged, but with it, Justin's problems that he has so hard to try to hide from everyone. Only Clay has been able to comfort him. When Clay gets home, his body takes over and does something he never thought he would have done...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Another Wednesday, and another chapter for you guys to enjoy! This one will help dive into Justin's problems and finally talk to someone about it! I hope the extra tension I created between them gets you guys prepared for the super awkward scenes coming up in the next chapters, but also more Clustin warm moments!
> 
> Also, this chapter contains the first *spicy* moment of this series. There are still many more of these scenes that I am planning on adding but this is my first time writing something like this so I apologize if this isn't as 'intense' as some of you might want it to be. But hey, I'm trying! Anyways, you won't miss out on anything important if you don't enjoy reading that section which will ALWAYS be titled, but I'll leave an end chapter comment to tell you what you need to know. 
> 
> As always, thank you for your time and I hope you keep enjoying these chapters! I'll see you guys in the next one :)
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal

"Here, put this on," Clay says, handing the seat belt to Justin, who wakes up from yet another absent-minded thought.

"Wh, where are we going?" With an innocent face, Justin directs the question to Clay, who turns back to him and stares in awe at the boy who is sitting beside him.

"Cl, Clay?" 

"Ohh, umm, what? Sorry, I was umm, thinking about something," Immediately Clay faces the other way, staring into the window and praying Justin did not just see his cheeks turn into that bright red color.

"I was asking where are we going?" With a curious tone in his voice, Clay calms himself and turns back to Justin, who looked at him with puppy eyes, _probably not on purpose, but God does he look adorable. Wait. WHAT?! No! I mean he does look adorable, but, I mean he's not thatttt adorable. Wait, why adorable. Why not cute? O-_

Justin places his hands onto both of Clay's shoulders, frightening him and honking by accident, which shocked both of them.

"Sorry, again, just a ton of things that I have to get done, heh," _Yes, a ton of Justin._ _FUCK._

"Well, where are we headed?" This time, with a sparkle in his eyes, Justin looks at Clay, still having his hands on the other's shoulders.

"We're going to the park, a lot calmer there and it helps me get things out. A place to vent, if you will." Clay tightens himself as he feels Justin's stare pierce through him, and even more as he feels Justin tighten his grip on him.

"Alright, well what are we waiting for, let's go!" At that, Justin lets go of Clay and starts putting on his seatbelt.

 _Yes yes, we're_ going, Clay thinks, as he turns his car on, tightens his seatbelt, and starts heading out of Monet's, quickly glancing at the window, seeing the gang inside staring at them. Some giggling? Ryan in specific winking as he met his gaze with Clay for a split second.

"OH MY GOD!" Accidently saying it out loud, startling Justin.

"CLAY, WHAT?!?! Jesus Christ dude!"

***************

The ride to the park was silent, with the radio being the only sound filling the car as we sat there. All Justin could think about was the shriek Clay gave before exiting Monet's, and what he would tell Clay. _What would I say? Should I really share my problems with someone like him? I mean, does he even care about my problems? I couldn't even open up to Jess when we were together, so how am I suppose to talk to him about what's wrong with me?_ Justin sighs, pretty loudly, but not seemingly loud enough to get Clay's attention. He was focused on the road, humming to the song playing.

 _How cute,_ Justin thought, staring at him very discreetly until they got to their destination.

"We're here," Clay says as he parks the car, unbuckles himself, and turns the car off.

"Yes, we're here." It was only 10 minutes from the cafe, so it made sense Clay wanted to come here.

They both close the door behind them, as they get out of the car. Justin decides to do a quick stretch, while Clay glances at him awkwardly, then starts heading to a bench that was distant, but not too far. It was located in front of the lake, but with a good amount of distance in between, and the bench is on higher ground, thus being able to see the lake with just facing down a bit. It was serene, it radiated a sense of calm, which Justin could get really used to. As they both walked silently to the bench, They were able to see a couple of kids running around, and a couple of parents chasing said kids, with joy and happiness. _Something I never had,_ Justin states to himself.

"Sooooo, Justin," Clay starts, as he sits down on the bench, patting to the area beside him, wanting Justin to sit beside him. Justin complies, and scooches beside Clay, folding his hands on his lap and staring straight to the ground. _Here we go._

"How are you holding up? Not well I assume." 

"Yeah," Justin sighs, "Not well at all." 

"Do, you wanna talk about it? I want to help, Justy, I really do. I know we've been through a lot, but it's hurt you the most, and I wanna help you get through it."

 _There it was again._ _Justy._ Justin's tensed-up body started to calm itself, relaxing at the calm voice of Clay, which always helped. He didn't know why though.

"Will talking about it really help? And why would you care, you barely even gave a shit about me when those tapes came out, accusing everyone, me especially, of causing Han-" _Oh shit, what am I saying._ Justin stops himself, trying to compose himself after what he just said, glancing the other way scared at what Clay might say to him.

"Hey, look at me Justin," Clay puts his hand on his cheek and turns Justin's face around, seeing his redness enveloping the cheek he just touched.

"Remember what Mr. Bolan said? That we might have more in common than we think? Well, I believe that after today. We both want to do what's right, and we both want things to not be so hard anymore. I know we might have not been the greatest of acquaintances and I might have really tried pinning some things on you, but I now know that you didn't know, and I didn't know either. So let's start on a clean slate, alright? And now, I do care, and I want to help because that's what friends are for. Or I am at least."

Justin was staring deep into Clay's eyes, he could see the sincerity in all his words and felt his heart thumping harder at the soft touch Clay had on his cheek. It was surreal, and Clay adding in a small smile only made Justin's heart beat faster, almost sure it would leap out of his chest. The moment didn't last long though, as Clay realizes where his hand was, and noticing the dark red cheeks of Justin, who was staring at him with mesmerization.

"Well, uh, would you like to talk to me now?" Quickly, Clay removes his hand and starts fidgeting, anxious, slapping himself mentally for what he did. But it did seem like it helped, and he could feel Justin relaxed.

"Yeah, I, I guess so." Justin felt ready. Ready to face his problems, to talk about them. And to do it with someone beside him. He couldn't ask for anyone better than Clay Jensen.

"So uh, a few days after Hannah's trial, my mom's boyfriend decided he didn't want anything to do with me or the authorities, so he kicked me out of the house, and well, I've been at Alex's ever since. I tried not to think about it, but it hurts thinking that my mom didn't even try to stand up for me. Her own son. She just let me go, not caring id=f I was living on the streets."

Silence was all Justin could hear for a few seconds, not daring to glance at Clay.

"So that's why you sent a text to us? To find a place to stay?" Clay questioned, not forcing too much in his tone, but sounding rather calm.

"Yeah, that's why. I've also been having terrible nightmares." Justin could remember the one he had last night, but obviously not bringing that up, or else thing would change with Clay, and he wasn't ready to lose him. "I barely get any sleep, I'm scared for my life because I stole some things from Seth or my Mom's boyfriend, and I-"

Justin stopped. _I can't tell him that_ , Justin thought. He knew that he couldn't tell anyone about his addiction, because he didn't want anyone forcing him to get help. He wanted to try and stop by himself, and he didn't want anyone to worry about that. Also, the only way to get what he had was from Bryce, so if anyone knew he was dealing with him, then he'd definitely be fucked with the gang and Clay. _He'll never see me the same way again._

"Justy, you ok?" Clay didn't know what Justin was about to say, but he knew it was something that bothered him above all else, and he wanted to help.

"Yeah, uh, it's, it's something that I'd to not talk about, please," Justin said with a whisper, barely audible.

"Oh, ok that's fine," Justin immediately feeling Clay's hand on his shoulder, tugging him, probably indicating that he wanted to make eye contact with him. So he did just that. Justin turned his glance from the ground to Clay, who had a smile that warmed Justin's heart, feeling it melt away his anxiety and also feeling the eight of all, or most, of his problems alleviating. "Just remember that we'll always be here with whatever you need. I'll be there. And I'm glad you were able to talk to me about this. We'll solve this together."

Nothing could stop Justin's eyes from tearing up, starting to let his emotions out. His suffering, his pain, his sorrow, and his misery. Suddenly he felt two arms wrapped around him, showering him with warmth. Justin knew who it was, and he felt his chest radiating heat, attracting Justin to it like a magnet. Justin also wrapped his arms around Clay, crying on his shoulder, but this time, not inconsolably. No, this time, it was a release of his feelings, and they both knew that there was hope in the future, and together, they would solve any problems. 

"Jeez Jensen, I didn't know you were so cheesy," Justin blurts out of the blue, causing a sudden laugh from Clay, who pushes the boy away from him.

"Thanks, Justy, that means soo much to me," Clay adds sarcastically, giving Justin's shoulder a nudge, as they both stared at the blue lake in front of them.

"Also, if you need a place to stay, I'll gladly let you stay with me," Clay offered, trying to be generous.

_Yes, YES Please, I-. No, I can't, I don't know what I would do if I did. I could never control myself. I have Alex for now, and it's for the best if I stay with him._

"Yeah, um, thank you. A lot," Justin remarks, after finishing his thoughts, blushing yet again for thinking about his uncontrollable self if he ever was with Clay. 

"Anytime," Clay says with a smile. 

Justin was thinking about how much Clay was starting to nickname him 'Justy.' It made him feel special in Clay's eyes, and it always gave him a warm feeling in his chest. They both enjoyed the presence of each other as they spent some time just sitting there. They both felt a spark of warmth grow in their chests. They both felt fuzzy and calm while being with the other, and neither of them wanted to admit it. They felt like themselves whenever they were together, and Justin couldn't help but have his cheeks flare up every time he glared at Clay and seeing how perfect he thought the boy was. They both were lost in their thoughts about each other as they stared at the lake in front of them and taking in the view which radiated serenity and comfort. 

***************

"Hey son," was the first thing Clay heard as he entered his home, still fazed by the time he spent with Justin at the park. He felt calm more than he ever had in the past few months and something else that he couldn't quite put a finger on.

"Hey dad, hey mom," Clay quickly says, while he takes his shoes off and starts heading up the stairs to his room.

"Hey, Clay," his mom tells Clay, who stops at the response. "Where have you been? I thought you would've been here earlier since your meeting with your other friends ended a few hours ago."

"Wait, how do-"

"Tony, Clay. He told us."

 _What the fuck? He wasn't even there, how did he know? Someone must have told him. Jesus, I could never do anything without Tony telling my parents what I'm doing_ _._

"Well, yes, I'm fine, I was just talking through some things with someone," Clay says, carefully picking his words to make sure his parents did not get suspicious. He knew his parents would pounce at the idea of him dating someone, or even getting close to someone other than them and his group. _Wait, What? I'm not getting close to Justin though, am I? I mean, maybe I am, but not in that way. Why would I ever? I'm not gay, am I?_

"Would you care to tell us who you were with?" Clay's parents weren't going to let him go without getting the information they wanted. Now they were more intrigued, seeing their son spending more time with one person in particular rather than all his friends. They knew Clay would sometimes spend time with others by himself, but they never have seen him so serene the moment he walked through the door. And more weirdly, flustered at the question that was being asked. 

"It was just a friend, mom. Now if you excuse me, I have to get some work done." With that, Clay grabs his backpack and bolts up the stairs, extremely uncomfortable with what his parents were asking. _Insinuating_ was a better word for it. He didn't like it one bit. As Clay finally reaches his room, he locks the door behind him and tried to take off the hard blush he had on his face, as he knew he was getting closer to Justin, and his parents were noticing it.

**#(Sexual content up ahead! Skip if you are not comfortable with this, you won't miss out on anything important!)#**

Clay who was lost in his thoughts suddenly notices a bulge forming in his jeans. _What the-_ was all Clay could think of, not realizing it sooner, and wondering why he got it in the first place. He didn't feel like he was in the mood for it. He hasn't had that feeling or anything remotely close to what he was thinking of since Hannah's death. Yet, his body yearned for something, and it demanded release. His thought immediately went to Justin, who was the only possible explanation as to why a part of him was aroused. 

_Why him?_ It's not like the boy had been aroused by other people. It certainly happened with Hannah. But this was Justin Foley. _A_ guy, and more importantly, _a new friend._ Clay quickly recollected his thoughts and diverted his attention from Justin, and just decided _Why the hell not. I would do it anyway if this happened from any other person,_ which seemed reasonable to Clay. _Maybe my body just got excited for finally being able to feel something_ _and it didn't really matter who it got it from._ That also seemed like another explanation, knowing he hasn't tried in weeks. But anyway he looked at it, this feeling and arousing would always lead back to Justin. 

Clay made sure his door was locked before he dropped his backpack and headed straight to his bed. Usually, he watched porn on his computer, which helped him reach his climax, so he resorted to it yet again. The boy got up to get his computer and plopped back down on his bed, seeing the bulge stretching his jeans, with something inside throbbing for attention. Clay quickly opened his computer to find something to watch, scrolling through endless videos, but could not find anything that pleased his eyes. He went to his folder, which was labeled Calculus Homework, but it was clearly not for that, and instead held the videos he enjoyed the most. He quickly picked one and lowered the volume of the video, immediately hearing a moan from the woman on the screen as the video started. That seemed to send a shiver down his spine, and also caused something else to throb in his jeans. Clay couldn't take it anymore and decided that it was now or never. So with that thought in mind, Clay unzipped his jeans, took off his belt, removed his shirt, lowered his jeans off, and with them his boxer briefs, thus leaving the boy naked on the bed. Clay could see his penis throbbing with excitement, leaking a liquid that would aid him in his job. Clay never really paid attention to its size, but to him, it seemed to have a perfect length, though now being larger than normal after having blood coursing through it and standing erect from the sudden pleasure. 

Immediately, another moan escaped from the computer, which caused his penis to twitch at the sound, and leak even more pre-cum, which oozed down his shaft. Clay closed his eyes in excitement and let his hand start jerking his penis. His hand was covered with the pre-cum, which caused less friction between his hand and shaft, thus allowing his hand to slide up and down effortlessly. Clay wasn't even paying attention to the video, all he could think about was the sounds that came out of it. He tried thinking of Hannah, which he used to really have a crush on. He adored being with her, and at one point, almost lost his innocence with her. Yet, nothing of her came to his mind. One person in particular though pervaded Clay's thoughts. It sent a tremble down his hand, which in turn caused the head of his penis to leak even more. Clay couldn't avoid it anymore. No matter how hard he tried to think of anyone else, it was futile. He opened his eyes to see the video, but could not get into it. It all led back to that one person.

Justin Foley.

Quickly after embracing the thought, Clay closed his eyes, and his imagination took control. He saw Justin Foley, naked, and right in front of him, with those daring eyes and strong body build which only made Clay harder. The boy heard a moan yet again from the computer, yet, in his mind, it came from Justin.

"Aaah..." It was Clay's turn to let out a soft moan, which turned him on even more. His hand now jerking off his penis fast, whose tip was drenching his hand with pre-cum.

All Clay could think of was Justin's hand roaming his body and stroking him while placing kisses all over it. The thought made Clay wild and caused his other hand to start touching his chest, trying to mimic the feeling of someone else touching his delicate yet soft skin. Clay felt his body starting to reach the edge, but he didn't care. All his attention was on Justin, whose body was now sweating, which made Clay gasp with excitement. His imagination really was vivid. The moans started intensifying on the video, which made Clay stroke himself as fast as he could. All his thought were on Justin, who was now moaning in Clay's mind. It was surreal. And it was too much for Clay. His body flinched as he reached the end, feeling his penis stiffen up, knowing what was coming next.

"Ughh... Fuck!" Clay let out a strong moan which filled the air as the tip of his penis started spewing cum all over his chest, not stopping for anything.

A minute passed before Clay felt his penis starting to return to normal. He released it from his grasp and noticed how drenched his hand was. Not only that but how his chest was also covered in the white substance. 

And it was all because of Justin Foley. 

_Shit, this really is a problem_ , Was Clay's thought as he just realized what he did, and who caused him to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those who decided to skip the moment Clay had, the only things you need to know are that:
> 
> 1\. He has confirmed feelings and attraction to Justin (As many of you already knew lmao)
> 
> 2\. He views his feelings as a problem now that they are friends.
> 
> Either way, the story continues! Thank you guys for the feedback and support, and for those who read the *spice*I will keep trying to make it up to your standards. Until next time!


	9. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin spends the day with Clay! Though everything seems more awkward between them than they let the other notice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we just reached over 500 hits! Thank you guys again for all the support and comments that you guys give to this series, I really hope you keep continuing to enjoy the chapters because I have sooo much more planned for this! Anyways, thanks again, get some food, and get ready for some more Clustin Cuteness!
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal
> 
> P.S Points to those who remember that one of these weird moments happened in the show! Hilarious tbh

The next few days went by incredibly fast, and before anyone knew, it was Friday, Christmas day. The night before, Justin had to hide due to Alex's family playing board games in his room. It was a bit uncomfortable being in the closet squished in between boxes, but he at least had Alex's computer to watch something or at least entertain himself as the time passed. This morning though, since there was no school, Alex told Justin that he would be gone until the evening when they would spend the night at Clay's because he was going to visit his grandparents. This, unfortunately, meant Justin would have to find another place to crash while Alex was out with his family.

"Luckily though, I talked to Clay and he said he would take care of you for the day. It's a good thing too-"

"Wait, Clay Jensen?" Immediately Justin began tensing up, but his heart did quite the opposite and lept at the thought of being with Clay. In his home. In his bedroom. _In his be-_

"Who else Justin. Anyways, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted," Alex adding a light punch to Justin's shoulder, " it's a good thing since he is around the same size as you and you will be able to share some clothes that he has. I certainly don't have anything formal that would fit you for the dance, so he's your next best option. And you didn't bring any semi-formal clothes so it's even better that you're staying with him."

"R, ri, right," Justin tried not to stutter but he couldn't keep his heart from thumping really fast at him thinking of wearing something with Clay's scent.

"What? is that a problem?" Alex was now curious as to why Justin was nervous. 

"No! Not at all, I was just, I was, well I am, just, nevermind, forget it." Justin couldn't hide the anxiety that he was feeling, nor his cheeks flaring red. He quickly turned away from Alex and started acting like he was packing his things, which was really just an excuse to keep Alex from noticing Justin's hard blush. 

"Well, he'll be here in 10 minutes, so get your stuff ready. When he's here, you'll go out the back window and he'll be waiting on the street behind our house."

"Yeah, alright. Thank you."

Justin couldn't stop thinking about how awkward this day would be. _How can I hide how I'm feeling? How will things go down?_ Justin's thoughts were starting to get the better of him, causing him to start shivering with uncertainty. Something else also surfaced which Justin tried so hard to conceal. His craving was back. And at the worst possible time.

***************

"So, here we are, make yourself at home." Clay opens the door to his house, allowing Justin to enter, and giving him a moment to process where everything is.

"The kitchen is to the left, living room a bit more down the hall to the right. Stairs to the second floor right in front of you. Bathroom to the left, my room to the right of the bathroom, and to the left we have my parent's room." "Which is forbidden to be entered," Clay adds with a grin as he knew someone would try to enter it. 

"Wow, um, thank you Clay for letting me stay here for a bit." Justin was feeling nervous yet again and avoided eye contact with the other boy, feeling him glaring towards his face. 

"Anytime Justy." Justin's face face the opposite direction trying to hide his red cheeks at the sound of Clay's nickname he had for him. He felt special.

"So, what are we gonna do then?" Clay asks after a moment of silence.

"Well, what do you want to do? Also, Alex asked me to borrow some clothes from you since I don't really have any." Justin felt shy about asking for something.

"Oh, right. Well, let's go upstairs to get you to try some things for now. I have a couple of clothes that fit me a bit bigger so they might just fit you." Justin could see a bit of excitement in Clay's eyes. He couldn't stop himself from looking straight at them and falling for them. For Clay. And hard. 

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!" With that, Clay takes Justin by the hand and rushes him up the stairs. Justin's heart started beating faster as he made physical contact with the boy. He felt his soft hands guide him up every step and into his room. He couldn't stop himself from locking his fingers with the other. It immediately made Justin tense up, but it seemed like Clay didn't mind or didn't notice. Either way, he savored the feeling of having his hand holding the others. 

"So, let's see," Clay opens his door with his other hand and heads to his closet. When in front of it, he let go of Justin's hand and starts looking through to see if there was anything he wanted for Justin to try out. Clay couldn't contain his excitement from having Justin in his room. 

"Ohh, here we go! Here, these are some pants that never really fit me well since they were longer than my size." Clay pulls out three pairs of pants which were very elegant for Justin's taste. One was black, the other was navy blue, and the other one was a light grey. Clay hands them to Justin who inspects them and looks back to Clay.

"Oh, right! Some buttoned shirts. Hmmm, lemme see..." Clay turns back to his closet and starts looking through it yet again to find some shirts Justin could find.

Justin knew exactly what he wanted to do while he waited for Clay to find some shirts.

He started to take off his shirt and unbuckle his belt in order to try out the new pants he was given. _What will he think?_ That was all Justin could think about. _Will Clay be mad? Will he shrug it off? What will he feel?_ Justin didn't know why he was doing it, but he knew it was a huge tease and an indirect flirt with Clay. Albeit a really, REALLY hot flirt.

"Oh, here they are! The shirts that never fit me. Here Justin, these al-," Clay turns back to find a half-naked Justin, who was still in the process of taking off his pants. Clay could see his red boxer briefs, and how they fit a bit too small for Justin. It caused an outline in between the still-stripping boy's crotch and showed something that made Clay turn furiously red. _It was huge. WHAT!?!? What am I thinking of!_

"Justin!!! I'm still here!" Clay tried hiding his face which was scarlet by now. That wasn't the only thing that was showing something. Mini Clay was also aroused and it showed.

"Oh, sorry Clay, I just thought since we're both guys, you wouldn't mind it," Justin could see the redness in Clay's cheeks and kept his gaze locked with the other, trying to decipher what he was feeling at that moment. He could see frustration, curiosity, shock, and lust? It didn't last long.

"Here, take these shirts! You stay in here and change while I go find some other things in my dad's room." Clay couldn't take it. His brain was malfunctioning, still overheated from the sight of Justin's body. His toned skin, his well-built body, his perfect glance. It was all too much. With that, Clay rushes out of his room and closes the door behind him, and tries to hide all his emotions that were begging to surface. 

_So awkward_ was the thought that both of the teenagers had stuck in their minds. 

Justin returns to try and change, but the adrenaline from having Clay overreact was overpowering him. It was a stimulant that also caused his craving to rise, needing its dosage to return it to its slumber. Justin knew if he didn't take a hit now, he wouldn't be able to in days, which would cause him to have severe withdrawal symptomes. And everyone would notice it. He didn't want anyone to know his addiction and his uselessness at stoping it from taking over his life. He _needed_ to give it what it wanted before it ruined his life.

With that, Justin takes out his shaving cream bottle from his bag and starts getting things ready for his dosage. He sits onto Clay's bed and pulls out the syringe along with the drugs. Justin takes out three tablets and starts grinding them to dust, making sure it was fine and small. When he was finished, he grabbed his water bottle from the side of his duffle bag and put some into the syringe. Lastly, he gathered the fine powder that was Clay's desk, and in a swift movement, he dumped it all into the syringe, making a white-ish mixture in the syringe. After a few moments of spinning it around to make sure the drug was dissolved, he lifted his foot up and took off his sock. The craving was getting to him, and thus started sweating profusely. Once he was done with all the setup, he laid himself with his back against the bed and lifted his foot to the needle, which caused his whole body to shiver, waiting in anticipation at the feeling of relief. Justin could smell the scent of Clay, and it hurt him to think that he was doing this in Clay's room. But he needed it. With his duffle bag in between his legs, Justin aimed the syringe in between his toes and pushed it through his skin, causing a wince to be released from his mouth. It took a second for him to recollect himself before he started inserting the contents of the syringe into his body. Like magic, his body felt a wave of relief and suddenly felt his body relax. That's what drugs did to him. And it was a terrible thing. Justin started packing the items back into his duffle bag when he heard steps coming towards him. He hadn't had time to get his things in order, so he started panicking. The only thing that came to his mind was pulling the covers off Clay's bed and hiding in them will all of his belongings. It wasn't the greatest idea, but the only possible way to hid his addiction from Clay, who barged into the room moments later.

"Hey! So I found th-" with a sudden pause, Clay stopped in front of his door, examining the room and setting his eyes on the scene.

Justin was underneath Clay's covers. IN his bed. And with a rise in the covers in the only place where it could possibly be. Near his crotch.

Justin now realized what Clay was seeing. It seemed as if he was laying in bed, naked (Since he still didn't have a shirt on,) with the sheets on top of him, and his shaving bottle standing straight up and in between his legs, creating a bulge there. _Fuck,_ was the only word that came to Justin's mind.

"Uhh, Justin. Wh, whe, where you, umm," Clay starts closing his hand in a fist and starts waving it up and down. He was asking if Justin was jerking off. 

Panic was setting into Justin's mind. He didn't know how to explain anything. But he couldn't tell Clay he was taking drugs. That the tent in between his crotch was just a shaving cream bottle where he hid his syringe and oxy. And that in reality, he was just trying to return his body to normal. So Justin went along with Clay's suspicion, which could be seen in his eyes, and decided to lie to him.

"Well, uh. I got really horny, and well I decided to je-"

"The hell Justin! Why in my bed first off, and why the hell di-" Clay was too shocked to try and understand.

"I'm sorry! It was just instinct and well, I didn't mean t-"

"God, Justin, disgusting. Get off of my bed. Now."

"Ummm, Clay?" Justin pointed at his crotch, trying to get the other one to understand that he had no clothes on, but in reality, he did. He had his pants still on. 

"Fuck. Well here, take this," Clay throws Justin the other clothes he had found in his parent's room, a little too hard, but who could blame him. Someone was jerking off in his bed. 

"hurry up and start testing the clothes. And for God's fucking sake, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER." Clay storms out of his room and tries to recollect himself, closing the door behind him, this time hearing someone get up and lock it.

"My bad!" Was all Clay could hear as he made his way down the stairs, hearing a small giggle come out of his room too.

 _What the hell was that_ , Clay couldn't stop his heart from beating so fast. The sight of seeing Justin in his bed made his cheeks turn redder than they had ever been. His crotch started to feel the heat, and mini Clay started to enlarge, leaving Clay speechless at the turn-on that he had for Justin. It made him euphoric. 


	10. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Justin head out to buy a tuxedo! (I know, a very small summary but still one of my favorite chapters I got to write so far!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Can you believe it's already time for the next chapter? I sure can, I've been waiting to post this one for a while, definitely one of my favorite chapters! I hope you guys enjoy it as always and leave a comment with your feedback, I'll gladly reply! By the way, over 600 hits already!!! We're getting to 1000 you guys, and I could have never believed I'd be so honored to have people like you guys enjoying something I just started barely a couple of weeks ago. Thank you guys so much as always, and much love to you all!
> 
> \- Sincerely, Sympathetic Narwhal

"What are we doing here again?" Justin asked Clay as they stepped into a really fancy-looking store. It had formal clothing everywhere, shoes lining down the sides and a couple of changing rooms here and there. The store wasn't extremely huge, but it was big enough to walk around it for about 10 minutes and get to see everything they had.

"Well, we need to get you a tux, duh," Clay remarks with a smirk on his face, lightly giving Justin a punch to the shoulder, which only made them both grin.

"Wait, but those things are really exp-"

"Why hello there! My name is Julie, what may I help you with?" Out of nowhere a young woman, probably around her mid 20's, was standing right in front of them. She had long black hair, a couple of curls, and her eyes maroon, beaming with happiness. She was about the same height as the two boys and seemed really excited.

"Oh, well we're here to get a tux for my friend over here! His name is Justin," Clay points to the boy beside him, who didn't know what to do, so he just smiled back.

"Well great! We have a variety of colors and sizes which might interest him. Follow me and I'll take his measures to see which ones will fit him!" With that, Julie walks towards the center of the store, where the counter was, and started pulling out some rulers and other utensils. Clay started walking towards her too but noticed Justin frozen in place where he was.

"Hey, Justin, you ok?" Clay seemed a tad bit concerned but tried not to show it too much.

"Clay, I, this, aren't suits or tuxedos or whatever really expensive?" Justin didn't know much about formal wearing since he never really had any aside from maybe a buttoned shirt or two. But he did know that things like tuxedos were really expensive. One time, during the last Winter Formal, when he used to go with Bryce, the guy lent him a tux to wear but forgot to remove the tag. Justin was able to see it and noticed it was over $500, which to him was an enormous amount of money. He definitely didn't want to burden Clay with that, he didn't want Clay to spend anything on him as a matter of fact. He felt like he didn't deserve it. And it showed in his expression, which is why he tried to face the ground, ignoring the stare that Clay was giving him.

"Justy, don't worry about that ok? We're here to get you something that will make you look great for the Formal. Let me take care of it ok?" Clay could feel the guilt that Justin had, and it made his heart want to console him, but he knew it would only make him feel worse. 

"C'mon, let's have a good time finding something you'll like ok?" With that, clay grabs Justin by the hand and pulls him from his thoughts, walking him to the counter where Julie was waiting for them.

Justin could feel his heart beat at an insane rate the moment Clay held his hand. It made him feel comforted, warm, and an enormous amount of happiness. All he could do was stare at their hands, which caused his cheeks to redden, but yet again his body moved without him thinking. Justin laced his fingers around Clay's, their hand now firmly locked with their fingers intertwined, which only made Justin almost squeal at the feeling of having Clay's hand in his. His soft fingers tracing down the back of his hand, and his palm touching his. Justin couldn't keep it together, and it made it almost impossible to stop thinking about it.

Once they reached the counter, Clay let go of Justin's hand, and Julie, with a huge grin, came over to Justin and started measuring him, making sure she had the exact size in order to allow him to choose the tuxedos that would best fit him. After a couple of moments of silence and ignoring Clay's glare, Justin was done being measure and saw Julie go to the counter yet again, typing something into the computer.

"Ahh, here we go! Come with me you two." With that, Julie walks away yet again, but this time, Justin started following her first, trying to avoid the racing heartbeat and hand interlocking that happened the previous time. They eventually reached a corner of the store where Julie was, who started taking down a couple of the tuxedos from one of the racks that were there.

"Ok so from here," pointing to one side of a rack, "to here," pointing to the middle of the rack which was next to the first one, "are the suits that will fit you the best. There are a ton of colors for you to choose from so go on ahead and try 'em all out if you wish!"

Justin was perplexed at the number of options he had to choose from. There were many that he right off the bat didn't like so much. Some other one's caught his attention, like a black and red one. Or another plain dark grey one. He tried some of them, putting them on, over the shirt he had on, and looked himself in a mirror which wasn't too far from where they were. After a couple of attempts of trying a few, one suit in specific caught his eye. Justin put back the tux he was trying back onto the rack and moved some of the other ones away, to reveal a plain white tuxedo with a black lapel. _This one_ is what went through Justin's mind as he pulled it off the rack and hanger, and put it on. He walked up to the mirror and saw himself in the reflection, mesmerized at how well he looked in it. 

"You look really handsome in that Justy."

Justin turned himself around to see Clay standing not too far away from him, looking at Justin in the mirror. 

As before, Justin felt his heart thump with excitement at hearing the words come out of Clay's mouth. _He thinks I'm handsome._ Justin felt himself blushing with such intensity at the compliment, and it only became worse when he realized Clay was now looking at him directly with a genuine smile. Justin's heart couldn't take it and almost stopped with how much it was beating. All Justin could do was face the floor and pray to God that his reddened cheeks didn't look as noticeable as they were.

"Hey, Justy," Clay said as he walks closer to Justin, who felt Clay's gaze stare at him from above.

 _Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck OH FUCK._ This time, Justin's heart was about to beat out of his chest, and almost thought Clay could hear it. _What is he gonna ask?_

"I wanted to ask you something." Clay puts one hand on Justin's shoulder and with the other, he puts it on Justin's chin to pull his gaze back from the ground. As soon as Clay was able to see Justin's eyes, he made sure they didn't wander anywhere else and stared right into them. Justin doing likewise. Then Clay took a step closer, just inches away from Justin. And from Justin's lips.

 _Shit shit shit shit SHIT. He's too close. He's wayyy to close._ Justin's mind was scrambling to find an answer as to why Clay was getting too close. He was too flustered to say anything or react, but his eyes just kept looking into Clay's dark brown orbs.

"I think," Clay began to say. "I think. Well, what I mean to say is. I really, really li-"

"You found the tuxedo you were looking for?" Both of the boys turn their heads back to see Julie a few feet behind them, checking something on her list. Who also interrupted what Clay was about to say.

"I, uhh, I, y, umm, well, th," Justin couldn't formulate words. His brain was fried from the intimacy he felt a few moments back with Clay. 

"What he means to say is yes, he found something that suited his taste." Clay pulls away from Justin and faces Julie who looked happy at the response.

"Great! Come with me to get you checked out," Julie states before heading back to the counter.

Clay followed quickly, Justin also following absent-mindedly, with all his thoughts focused on what the hell Clay was gonna say before Julie barged in. When they got to the counter, Justin removed the tuxedo off of him and handed it to Julie, who scanned the tag, and placed the suit in a bag.

"That'll be $178.25."

 _Shit, I forgot to check the price_. Justin immediately felt worried for what Clay might say. He got too caught up with his thoughts that he didn't even glance at how much the tuxedo would cost. 

"Alright, here you go," Clay says as he takes out his wallet and pulls out his debit card.

Justin grabs his hand, along with the debit card, causing a small blush to form on his face, but it didn't matter to him at the moment.

"Clay, that's way too much. We should leave it here, I can go to the Formal without it. Besides, I can't pay it back, I don't deserve it, It'll only be a burden. I-" Justin felt his eyes swell with tears, as he fought to keep them from falling.

"Justy, don't you dare say that. I'm doing this because you _do_ deserve this. I _want_ to do this. You mean a lot to me, and you will _never_ be a burden to me." Clay slowly pushed Justin's hand off of his own and hands the debit card to Julie who had a sad expression on her face, seeing Justin break down because of such an act of kindness.

After everything was bought, Julie hands Clay the bag, who then hands it to Justin. Justin didn't take it for a moment because he was lost in the words that Clay just told him, and decided to give Clay a tight hug, putting his head on Clay's shoulder, letting a couple of tears run down his cheeks.

"Th, thank you Clay so much. For everything. I, I promise to pay it back when I can, I'll make it up to you, I-" Justin felt two hands wrap around his waist and pull him closer to Clay.

"No, you don't owe me anything. I suppose we can say this is my Christmas gift for you. Enjoy it Justy, you deserved it," Clay said as he now patted Justin's back. Justin could feel so much warmth and care in Clay's envelopment. It filled him with hope, happiness, joy, and most of all, love. 

After a few more moments, Justin pulled himself away from Clay and took the bag that was still in Clay's hand. They both started walking out of the store when Julie shouted from behind:

"Enjoy the Formal date you two! You both will look amazing together!"

Immediately they turned to each other, stunned at the remark Julie made.

 _OH MY FUCKING GOD. SHE THOUGHT WE WERE TOGETHER?!?!?!?!_ Justin couldn't say a word, and neither could Clay. _I mean it did make a bit of sense since she saw Clay holding my hand a couple of times, and then all the compliments, and then that moment when Clay got super-duper-uuper close to me. Wait, does that mean EVERYONE ELSE THINKS WE'RE TOGETHER?! SHIIIIITT. And a DATE?! God, am I really that obvious?_

(Meanwhile in Clay's thoughts)

 _I was going to say that I really like you Justy_ , was Clay's thought at that moment, and at the remark that Julie made to the both of them. _Well, at least one person thought we look good together. Maybe we could be a thing? Go out together? Maybe have an actual date? Wait, nevermind, Justin isn't gay. Wait, I'm not either! But, there's, there's something there that I feel when I'm with Justin, and I've never felt anything like it. I feel better when I'm with him, but I also really liked Hannah. More than a friend. Am I Bi? Maybe? I dunno, but right now, seeing Justin flustered, makes me feel much happier and makes me want to be someone worthy of him and his feelings._

As they exited the store they both shrugged off what was told to them, but at heart, it would remain in their minds for the rest of the day. It was silent between them as they walked around the mall in which the store was located, with Clay leading them back to the car. As if Justin knew what was in Clay's mind, the boy asks a question.

"So, umm, what did you want to tell me?" Justin asked shyly, trying to make the silence less awkward. He knew Clay wanted to tell him something important but didn't know what yet. He tried not to prod or ask the question, but it festered in his mind, and deep inside, he wanted an answer. _The answer_.

It was Clay's turn to blush and feel flustered. He didn't look away but instead kept looking straight forward, guiding them both around people. After a couple of thoughtful moments, Clay picked out his words carefully.

"Oh, uhh, I was going to say that I would really like to get some food, I'm starving!" Coincidentally, Clay's stomach started rumbling, loud enough for the both of them to hear. Clay's expression changed from flustered to sadness? 

_Fuck! Why didn't I tell him! 'I really like you, Justin,' 'Would you want to go to the dance as a pair?' 'Do you like me?'_ But Clay couldn't. He just couldn't. No matter how much he wanted, if Justin didn't reciprocate his feelings, then things between them would never be the same. And that would be worse than anything he could think of. 

Justin took the answer he was given, disappointing him, but he knew that that wasn't what Clay was going to say. But yet again, the other boy did sound hungry, so he left it at that. Not wanting to pry anymore than he already had. 

"So where are we going to?" Justin asks as both of them made it outside and neared the car.

"I heard there was a restaurant that opened a couple of days ago. You wanna try it out?" Clay opened the car door and sat down into the driving seat, buckling up and starting the car, all the meanwhile avoiding eye contact with Justin. 

"Yeah, um, sounds good. An-, and thank you, Clay, for everything, I could never have asked for a better friend than you." 

"Don't mention it Justy," Clay replies, putting on a fake smile for Justin while starting to drive out of the parking lot.

 _Yeah, you're right Justin. Friends. That's all we'll ever be._ With that thought in Clay's mind, the two drove downtown without a single word the entire way there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll see ya next chapter when we have this sleepover with the four of them and anything can happen... ;) (#foreshadowing LOL)


End file.
